Learn How to Bounce

Seeking After Those Things: Killing the Discussion Killers.

2011-11-26T12:18:00.000-08:00

(This is a variation on a post I wrote a few weeks ago that I quickly removed for a variety of reasons, the least of which being that it was really smarmy. Take two. Furthermore, these are issues that have been discussed in the bloggernacle to the point of ad nauseum but I have different readers [meaning none] so I don't feel like I'm being overly-repetitive.)

Alright, I have some pet peeves. I'm agitated by a lot of things. But nothing agitates me more than when media is discussed in Church settings. All of our discussions about charity go out the window. Paranoia increases by ten fold. And worst of all, we wrest scripture, primarily the 13th Article of Faith.

Let's start with the 13th Article of Faith and then we'll head all over the place from there. Here is, for those of you who need a brush-up, the last phrase from the 13th Article of Faith (the rest of the verse is lovely too but this is the only part relevant to our conversation):

"If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things."

This is fantastic, inspired, beautiful stuff. Too bad it's been reduced to absurdity. We use this verse to say, "Media that has no profanity, sex, or violence (PSV as we call it) is good for our children." Rubbish. Media that has no profanity, sex, or violence can still be far from virtuous, lovely, and can especially fall short of being good reportededly or praise worthy. The lack of PSV does not make something good. It can still, on the most basic level, lack a complete understanding of storytelling, of aesthetics, of any actual TALENT. On a more complex level, a PSV-free film can still espouse terrible things. (See the credit card sequence in "Enchanted" for a good example. Also, see "Hakuna Matata" from "The Lion King," which is a great plot point and a nifty little song but a horrendous life philosophy.) Plenty of PSV films teach disrespect of parents and the knowledge they have, of authority in general, more teach self-indulgence as the point of life (this self-indulgence message is often masked as "self esteem".)

Some of you are thinking of that blasted cockroach Mormonad right now. I hate that thing. Can you imagine if we applied that principle to human beings? (This is where the charity part ties in). Can you imagine if we rejected human beings who, though filled with goodness and potential and intelligence, contained one small part that was flawed, that maybe didn't emulate complete goodness? Not only would we become detestable and unloving human beings BUT THERE'D BE NOBODY TO TALK TO.

But movies and books are different! Well, maybe. There are lines that shouldn't be crossed, things we must say no to. But, maybe, just maybe, those in Hollywood (which, as an institution, doesn't exist, so we should stop pointing fingers at them) aren't trying to bang our heads into agreement but genuinely feel that they are presenting things as they are in "real life." Maybe these people are sharing their broken souls with us in the way that they know how - theatre, music, literature, etc. Maybe, as my friend Ben stated recently, the cockroach is more offensive than the swear word because the cockroach was thrown in the ice cream to offend and shock, while, usually the swear word is put in the script because with the understanding of the world possessed by the filmmakers, that's how people talk. The roach is WAY more offensive. The roach was put in that ad to make us squirm and to shock us. Shame on you, roach-placer.

Those who are getting upset and thinking that I'm encouraging a free-for-all, please keep reading. That's not what I'm asking for. You know what offends the Spirit and what doesn't. You know what is presenting sin and what is advocating it. Don't fall into rationalization. But do fall into realizing and accepting that this world is full of beautiful, broken people trying to make sense of the world, who are only kept from the truth because they know not where to find it.

We're hopefully discerning enough to know what's right and wrong, and, hopefully, we who have covenanted to be anxiously engaged in a good cause, never turn our brains off when watching something. The moment we tune out is the moment we surrender. Given the commands of the Doctrine and Covenants, I'm inclined to think there's no time or reason for such surrendering. It's not drudgery to think. I promise. It's actually waaaaay more fun.

I don't know if I'm really making my point clearly enough. The point is to treat media as charitably as we do people because media comes from people. We don't necessarily hang out with people who have vastly different values than us (although, we mightn't necessarily condemn such people or avoid all views that are different than ours.) But, hopefully, we don't go around condemning them. I am amazed by how many "half full" (ugh) people are willing to slander and degrade people they disagree with. Where's the optimism in THAT? If you don't agree with a person, hopefully, you're mature enough to make an attempt to understand before throwing them to the wolves. And, if, once you've made an attempt to understand a human being, a child of God, you decide it's best and healthiest that you not spend all of your time with them, so be it. But, you're mature enough not to go around slandering them. Hopefully, you have enough charity to notice their redeeming qualities - and they do have them.

I take great issue with our insane pessimism culturally when it comes to media. I have only heard one arts talk in my life devoted to accentuating and emphasizing the positive and it remains an inspiration to me. Many shift uncomfortably when others start to talk trash about people - why don't we bristle in the same way when people start to talk about what people make, ie, the art they create? If you didn't like it, if you didn't find it to be uplifting, DON'T TALK ABOUT IT. Discussing it will only bring a negative spirit anyway.

I'm not condoning anything but charity here. We're all moved by different things and I'm finding with increasing intensity that the Spirit does work very differently with each of us (media example: I find "The Testaments" to be among the most offensive films I've ever encountered. I find it to be emotionally manipulative, racially tacky, and spiritually unsound. Really? A Disney story with Jesus scenes inserted into it? But a lot of people have had spiritual experiences watching it. On the other hand, I find "States of Grace," a film that has inspired no small amount of controversy, to be doctrinally thrilling, aesthetically pleasing, and spiritually inspiring. I'm not so sure either response is right or wrong but it's clear that the Spirit can speak to us in very different ways.) All I am asking is that we emphasize the positive. We should be so caught up in proclaiming the good we find that there's no time to waste on accentuating the negative.

This ties back to the 13th Article of Faith. "We SEEK after these things." Hopefully, we do! Hopefully, we are consciously and anxiously seeking the good and not just waiting for it to find us. This. Should. Be. Work. And again, we're talking both morally (virtuous, lovely) AND aesthetically (praise worthy or of good report) not just one or the other. If you aren't pleased with what Hollywood is shoving down your throats, if you're disappointed in what the web ads are leading you to, then don't watch and don't click. You don't have to give up the arts and media. There are millions of excellent films out there that you'll like. There are billions of books you'll be moved by that you've never heard of. You have a responsibility to seek them out. The mainstream is always going to be disappointing, aesthetically and morally. So step out of it. Ignore the algorithmic suggestions from Netflix and explore recommendations from film scholars, critics, and, perhaps, most importantly, from friends.

Which brings me to my final point: Word of mouth. There are millions upon millions of people out there seeking for the lovely, virtuous, praiseworthy, and good reported. Wouldn't it be charitable and even fun to share the good that you've found with others? Sometimes charity doesn't mean baking bread but it means sharing the book you've found that brought you closer to God, or the movie that you watched that gave you the the strength to love others a little more (for the record, I make no money and I have no car and I experience a tremendous amount of guilt because I feel like these limitations leave me completely unable to serve others temporally. Sharing good art and quotes, listening to people chat about problems, accompanying people on songs that are really difficult...they're about all I can offer to anybody.) I'm going to go so far as to see that we NEED to do this. Ignore the bad stuff - why waste the energy giving those things free advertising? Focus on the positive. When you find something good, SHARE IT. Blog, tweet, and Facebook about it. Quote it excessively. And when you find something you disagree with, leave if you have to, but try not to be too sanctimonious and self-righteous about it. You're dealing with the creations of your brothers and sisters here. Try to understand where they're coming from.

A few links. Read them. Read them now.:
-Reel Life vs. Real Life (June 1993 Ensign.) This article is the best discussion of media I've ever read in a Church magazine. Amazing.

-Do We Need to Keep Talking about the Roach? (Low-Tech World.) There are millions of articles about the infamous Mormonad. This is merely the most recent.

-Your Refined Heavenly Home (2006 BYU Devotional.) Elder Callister is the man. I regret his wording about movies (I agree that the majority of the movies people TEND to watch won't make it into heaven...but there are plenty that will and should) but this still, five years after it was given, remains the coolest thing pretty much ever.

Gratitude. Speed Date Style.

2011-11-06T09:50:00.000-08:00

Thou gracious God, whose mercy lends
the light of home, the smile of friends,
our gathered flock thine arms enfold
as in the peaceful days of old.
("Thou, Gracious God, Whose Mercy Lends" by Oliver Wendell Holmes)

Here's my annual "Thanksgiving/Gratitude" column. The goal this time is to list as many things as I can by 1:00 PM. 10 minutes to go.

1.) My increased ability to be honest with others (and increased opportunities to be honest with others.)

2.) Friends that tease, however relentlessly.

3.) Florida. Absolutely everything about it. Definite highlight of 2011.

4.) Working at a place with enough people that love me and that I love to make it worth going everyday.

5.) The Boy Detective Fails.

6.) Friends that feed me on a regular basis. You can't know how much it means to me.

7.) Sacred music. It's not just a hobby or a passion. It's an essential part of my daily worship.

8.) Brady Udall.

9.) My calling. I hated it until about 2 weeks ago. Now I'm obsessed with it.

10.) The Tree of Life.

11.) Reading a scene from "The Plan" out loud with friends the other night.

12.) Friends who have more passion than I do. Keeps me going.

13.) The light in the eyes of people who are committed and changed. I keep trying cause I want that light too.

14.) Living in a place that people visit regularly. There's somebody in town every week. It's wonderful.

15.) Laughter.

16.) Voice mail messages. I save ones that make me smile and listen to them when I'm feeling down. If you want to serve me, there's nothing that'll make my day more than a long, wieldy, conversational voice mail message that I can listen to again and again.

17.) Finally feeling a part of the theatre community here. Really a part of it.

18.) The command to keep a journal. Lately, I've just wanted to journal all day and night and read old entries.

19.) Family that continues to drop everything to help me out.

20.) Road trips. Big or small.

21.) People who are willing to deal with my crazy.

22.) Jesus. I've come to know Him better this year than I thought possible.

23.) People just like me.

24.) People completely different from me.

25.) Friends who endure movies they hate, songs they don't get, and blog posts they disagree with because they know they're important to me and that, in some way, all those weird things I'm throwing at them define me.

26.) BYU Choirs. I only have about 607 songs from the BYU Choirs on my iTunes. Not enough! I went to BYU because I wanted to be a part of them because, when I heard them in high school, I was convinced that I was hearing what the Celestial Kingdom will sound like. I've been away from them almost three years now. I felt unworthy of being a part of such a group when I was there and I still do. I have to force myself to not listen to at least one of the 607 songs I own (or the many I've found on YouTube) on a daily basis.

27.) Students that make me feel like I actually know what I'm talking about.

28.) The incredible clouds/skyline we saw on the drive to the Orlando airport last Sunday. Best sky I've seen since my mission.

Alright. Time is up. Dang. I was just getting started. Join me next year. Or tell me what you're grateful for in the comments section below. Thanks!

As Different As Day(quil) and Ny(quil)

2011-10-16T18:42:00.000-07:00

[text of some old jaunty drinking song]

I'm currently dying of some cross between tonsillitis and the plague. I was supposed to take more DayQuil two hours ago and I didn't because I don't know why and now it's too close to bed to take some and I get to go to bed in 45 minutes and I'm so excited and in the meantime I'm going to blog.

Thoughts:
-In spite of the fact that my body is drenched in disease, it's been a really, really great weekend. Went babysitting for the first time in my life on Friday and that was fun. Yesterday morning I went to the AMCAP (Association of Mormon Counselors and Psychotherapists) conference in Maryland. I shouldn't have gone because my nose had closed off completely by that point and my throat felt like what I imagine Stevie Nicks' throat feels like all of the time but I'm glad I went. Classes I took: "Reconciling Conflicting Religious and Sexual Identities," "Children and Loss," and "Depression." There wasn't much said that I hadn't heard before but it led to some good discussion and put me in the mood for study and being generally thinky the rest of the weekend.

-I'm not very good at it but I like to be thinky. I like to pretend to be intelligent and deep. Many have proven to be better at this than me. Like these people. Joke.

-Liquid Dayquil is superior to the pill things. Confession I should not make on the internet: In high school I kept a bottle of Dayquil in the choir room and my friend JP and I would drink straight from the bottle before performances. And important rehearsals. Sorry future employers. You weren't supposed to read that paragraph.

-I finished reading the book "The Lonely Polygamist" today. This is an AMAZING book. Brady Udall GETS how males think. Also, he gets depression and agency pretty well too. I want to say "Read this book and read this book now" but there's some content that would send some of you into hysterics so I'm giving it a "Read it but know that there are swear words and lots of discussions about sexuality" endorsement. You heard it here first, ladies and gentlemen.

-If you want to get me worked up, tell me that you thought "The Boy Detective Fails" was boring, depressing, or weird. Warning: I may punch you in the mouth.

-I saw "The Boy Detective Fails" five times. "The Hollow" was pretty great too but I only saw that twice. Congrats to all the rad people at Signature that made musical theatre history with these two shows.

-Auditions for Signature in the Schools are tomorrow. Unfortunately, at this rate, I'll be dead by the auditions tomorrow.

-I guess I'll just have to bring DayQuil to the auditions.

A Year in the Life: The Making of the Musical: Paul Eliason: The Musical

2011-09-28T07:20:00.000-07:00

A Year in the Life: The Making of the Muscial: Paul Eliason: The Musical from Andrea Candrian on Vimeo.

A Year in the Life: The Making of the Musical: Paul Eliason: The Musical
Book, Music, and Lyrics by Paul Eliason*
Paul Eliason: Paul Eliason
Rachel Murdock: Ensemble
Arrangements/Keyboard: David Zobell
*Additonal Material by Bill Berry, Matthew Wilder and Rachel Murdock

David and the Over-Stretched and Unfinished Allegory of the Vitamin Supplement.

2011-09-18T14:06:00.000-07:00

I'm dizzy from the shopping malls
I searched for joy, but I bought it all
It doesn't help the hunger pains
and a thirst I'd have to drown first to ever satiate
("Something's Missing" by John Mayer)

Let's say that you go to the local drug store/grocery store/Vitamin Shoppe for a magnesium supplement. You're looking for 400 milligrams, specifically. Doctor has asked you take it and you've been taking it all of your life. It fulfills specific health and dietary needs and you appreciate the blessing this supplement has been in your life.

But, you have neglected your stock of magnesium and you've run out. Surely, you'll be able to find the right supplement, vitamin and dosage and all. You've always been able to find something to fulfill this inherent and important need in your life before.

You go to the store, looking to fulfill this need and you can't find what you're looking for. The first store is fresh out of 400 milligrams of magnesium. Some carry smaller dosages and you ponder combining pills or eating one and a half but you aren't a doctor or a dietician and combining/cutting pills, etc, could have frightening consequences. Next store.

The next store doesn't carry any magnesium at all but they carry plenty of other vitamins. You decide that B12 is pretty important in a diet and you think, "Well, it's better than nothing!" and you replace magnesium supplements with B12. This helps in some areas but the areas in your health that magnesium was helping are left void and floundering. B12 does not equal magnesium and never will. Nice try though.

You continue your hunt for the best way to fill your undying need for magnesium. You start to think that it's possible you might have never needed this incredible need for magnesium if it had never been prescribed to you. Is it possible that you've become dependent on it? Is this seemingly biological need completely fabricated? Friends tell you to stop fretting. Move on! You had the magnesium for a while and you don't anymore! You'll be fine. Move on!

A couple of years ago, you took a nutrition class in college, and you remember your teacher specifically saying that vitamin supplements are inferior to getting those vitamins from natural foods. You google "magnesium rich foods" and you go to the grocery store, google-found list in hand, certain you'll be able to find magnesium rich foods that you can eat. Unfortunately, this never-ending recession has killed the food industry and the magnesium rich foods you're looking for are no longer available on the shelves. There's no halibut, nuts, broccoli...but there are foods that supply less magnesium than you need like bread and cereal. They taste great but they're magneisumally-unsatisfying. Yes, there are black beans still for sale but those are awful and you'd rather die of malnutrition than eat 400 milligrams of those everyday.

So, what do you do? You have a specific need and you keep looking and hunting for something to fulfill it but nothing is working. Vitamin B12 will never fulfill your magnesium needs. Black beans are gross. And 250 mg pills and bread might fulfill some of the need but certainly not all of it.

This story, unfortunately, at this point has no ending. The author of the allegory has hit major writer's block. What do you do when the vitamin you have lived off of for years is no longer there and no substitution is filling the gap? Leave your ideas below, please.

Shameful Plugging and Self-Promotion.

2011-09-02T07:46:00.000-07:00

Quick plug, guys! If you are a teenager in the DC area, you should enroll in one of two classes I’m teaching at Signature Theatre this fall. If you’re not a teenager but you know a teenager in the DC area, you should enroll them in one of the two classes I’m teaching at Signature Theatre this fall. If you’re not a teenager and don’t know any teenagers in the DC area, you should stop be an insular ageist and meet some youth. And then, enroll them in one of the two classes I’m teaching at Signature Theatre.

Class Number 1: Improvisation: Fundamental Acting Skills.

Anyone who’s talked with me for more than a minute about acting knows that I’m a firm believer that one must begin abstractly and move into the concrete. Or, in other words, one must begin without text and move into it. There are too many necessary skills required for a good text-based performance…it’s just easier to develop those skills without text getting in the way (and for the record, I find that actors who begin acting with text first end up with all kinds of bad habits.) As my mentor has said more than once, giving a first day actor a script is like giving a first day med student a scalpel.

So, here’s a class that gives the students the chance to really delve into development of necessary skills like concentration, body movement, use of the five senses, imagination, language, voice, speech, characterization…And beyond that, I feel improvisation instills what is, in my opinion, a vastly underrated acting skill: spontaneity.

Anyway, there’s my plug. Registration closes September 16^th for “Improvisation: Fundamental Acting Skills.”

Class Number 2: Exploring a Scene

Building on the skills mentioned in “Improvisation: Fundamental Acting Skills,” this class gives students the chance to delve into textual analysis and the nitty gritty of acting with another person. We’re gonna focus on the essentials here: Objectives, tactics, and beats. Don’t know what those terms mean? Sign up for my class! We’ll also delve into the 12 guidelines set forth by Michael Shurtleff in his classic acting book, “Audition.”

Second plug finished. Registration for this class ends on November 4^th. Both of my classes are for students ages 13-17.

Not a teen, don’t know any, don’t care to know any. Check out the rest of the classes we’re offering here at The Signature School. Be it a class on developing musical repertoire or cultivating greater creativity, we’ve got something I know you’ll be interested in.

(This post is not an official statement of Signature Theatre. The views expressed herein are those of the author’s only and have not been encouraged or supported by anyone at Signature Theatre.)

I have a question. Is now a good time?

2011-08-07T07:44:00.001-07:00

Everything has it's season
Everything has it's time...
("Corner of the Sky" from Pippin by Stephen Schwartz and Roger O. Hirson)

There's one thing worse than doubts, and that's evasion.
(Heaven's My Destination by Thornton Wilder)

Questions are inevitable. Doubts happen. Speculation occurs. I'm cool with that. Comfortable even. But there's a time and a place to deal with the questions, doubts, speculative thoughts. I've been on this tangent with a lot of you lately. So many of you that there may be little purpose in expressing the thought here. Except that I'm not totally satisfied that I've found the answer to the "time and place" situation.

You know the types of questions I'm talking about. The hard ones. The ones that have a level of complexity. Where do we discuss them? I don't think institutional settings, ie., Sunday School or institute (although there's more wiggle room in institute) are the proper settings. Sunday School in particular needs to be an uplifting, one-size-fits-all experience. Not so sure that true Socratic questioning has a place in this particular venue. Instruction needs to be clear, doctrine needs to be accurate, and a general "You can do it cause God loves you" feel needs to be expressed.

But, what do you do with the hard questions? If not Sunday School, then where? One of my current institute teachers handles these situations quite well. She fancies herself to be something of a gospel scholar (and she has every right to) but she avoids the temptation to feed the difficult questions during class or to let them derail her lesson plan. But, whenever the heavier and harder questions arise, she offers to discuss them after class. But, even then, standing in the classroom, the hard questions might not get the honest exploration the student may feel they need.

So, again, where is the time and the place? This is an important issue. I don't think throwing them under the rug is the proper response. The institute lesson I taught a couple of months ago centered around this: the idea that Jesus was and is to be both salvation and a stumbling block. In that lesson, I suggested we face our stumbling blocks head on, and properly, and that our testimonies will come out the stronger for it. I believe that. I believe that, obviously, God has an answer to every question we'll ever have, be they a secular or spiritual question ("But, David, all things are spiritual!" Bother.)

I'm a firm believer that questions are good. Our entire religion is based off of a young guy going to God with some serious questions and getting some earth-shatteringly difficult and amazing and awesome answers. So, revelation. That's a proper venue. Scriptures, words of general authorities. Those are good. But I fear that without the immediacy and intimacy of person-to-person discussion that some seem to crave, the "answers" are then bound to be found in inappropriate and inaccurate locations (read: the internet.) The verbal discussion has to happen for many people. But, where? When? How? With who? (Whom?)

"Lord, I believe. Help thou my unbelief" is healthy and honest. And while I may not know the meaning of all things, I do believe. Passionately. I'm a card-carrying member through and through. But I worry for those friends of mine with questions and no proper place to deal with them. They're the ones that get frustrated and head out the exit door.

This blog is written in direct response to an overabundance of poorly handled question answering I've seen in the last few weeks. I've seen failed attempts in both institutional and non-institutional settings. This is too complicated to say one setting is winning and the other is losing. Both have had their moments.

In a similar vein, and I'm not going to dwell on this, there's a time and a place for difficult personal and interpersonal discussions as well. We all know this but I think creating the atmosphere for honesty is more difficult than we give credit for...

There you go. Thoughts?

Epiphany

2011-07-10T19:24:00.000-07:00

And then I realized that what I was looking for wasn't so much a friend as much as a full-time psychiatrist.

No, but really.

Uptown/Downtown

2011-06-26T08:11:00.000-07:00

In the second act of Follies, the 1971 landmark musical by Sondheim and Goldman, all reality melts away during the famed "Loveland" sequence. Throughout the musical, we've dealt almost exclusively with four middle-aged and married people, each of whom is on the verge of a nervous breakdown and divorce. As we've dealt with these four people, we've seen them in both their present state and seen the ghosts of their former selves. Immediately preceding the "Loveland" sequence, present characters literally fight with the ghosts of who they once were. And then, in the midst of these climatic arguments, we're transported to somekind of etheral theatrical world, and each of the four characters performs their own follies number, revealing to the audience their inner-workings and secrets. This is a vastly simplistic description of what's going on here, but I'm not terribly interested in describing plots and mechanics to you.

Anyway, over the years the solo number for one of the characters, Phyllis, has been rewritten a handful of times for various reasons (mostly to accomodate the needs of specific actresses playing the role). However, each song carries particular strengths and highlights typical weaknesses. At least, they're weakness typical of me. This week at "Learn How to Bounce," we'll explore the original Phyllis song, "Uptown/Downtown" and chat a little bit about why I think it's actually a song about me, not about Phyllis. There are no good recordings on YouTube. You're on your own for what this what sounds like. Text is as follows (apologies for spacing issues. Blogger's not liking song form these days.) :

Now this is the tale of a dame

Known as Harriet,

Who climbed to the top of the heap

from the bottom.

A beautiful life was her aim,

And to vary it

She wanted the sun and the moon,

and she got 'em.

She isn't the least exhausted from her

climb,

But she does look back from time to time,

And the subject of this evening's quiz

Is who she was, and who she is:

Uptown, she's stepping out with a

swell.

Downtown, she's holding hands on

the El-

Hyphenated Harriet,

The neouveau

From New Ro-

Chelle.

Uptown, she's got the Vanderbilt

clans.

Downtown, she's with the sidewalk

Cezannes-

Hyphenated Harriet,

The nouveau

From New Ro-

Chelle.

She sits

At the Ritz

With her splits

Of Mumm's

And starts to pine

For a stein

With her village chums

But with a Schlitz

In her mitts

Down in Fitz-

Roy's Bar,

She thinks of the Ritz - oh,

It's so

Schizo.

Uptown, it's Harry Winston she

needs.

Downtown, it's strictly zircons and

beads.

Ask her, should she be Uptown or

Down?

She's two of the most miserable girls

in town.

So, I will confess that I don't grasp most of the New York references. But, I totally get the sentiment. Probably the most regular accusation made against my character is that I'm a totally different person with each group or even each individual I'm with. Some have labeled me as a crowd pleaser, some have declared me to be overly moldable, some have said I have a weird inconsistent relativism issue going on. I like to think I'm not nearly as bad at this as I once was. And maybe it's not something to be concerned about. Do we all tailor ourselves to our audiences? Was the problem just revealed in that previous question? The part where I referred to the people I spend time with as audiences?

Intellectual crowd? You better believe my vocabulary becomes a little higher (and a little phonier), that I'm suddenly able to delve into the deep questions, and make all kinds of literary references. The fun crowd? Turn on the jokes. The church crowd brings out a different side than the work side than the family side...Is this OK? Does everybody do this? Is everyone a slightly different "them" when they're with somebody else? Are you quiet with some and boistrous with others? I tend to think this is a common thing among human beings but apparently it's pretty pronounced with me because I've been so straight-forwardly accused of it so many times.

So, is this an issue worth addressing? Or is my self-indulgent navel-gazing unnecessary (as usual)? Is it OK to be a different individual with each individual or does this make me a total fake-a-roonie?

Iconography and Other Principles in "The Tree of Life"

2011-06-19T14:12:00.000-07:00

"I've spoken with others who saw the film but did not resonate with Jack's journey as I did. It is not a perfect film, but it is a profound one, a wonderfully layered, impressionistic canvas that makes possible multiple interpretations. Other movies seem lesser in comparison, and I have found myself less eager to engage with them."
("How the 'X-Men' Stumbled on 'The Tree of Life'" by Elijah Davidson.)

This is, in my three years of blogging, only the second time I will have devoted an entire entry to a single film. This is significant. At this point, I do not think Malick's The Tree of Life will end up holding the same place in my heart as Sweeney Todd, but it's a film that has had a tremendous impact on me just in the twenty-four hours since I've seen it. I will not be analyzing the film though. I'll barely be talking about the film itself. Rather, I want to talk about a couple of key ideas about art and narrative structure that I think may help you when you see the movie. And you should see this movie. I've had many emotional experiences watching movies - it doesn't take much to get me cry. But, what I experienced yesterday in that darkened theatre wasn't mere emotion. There was certainly emotion, and a tremendous amount of intellect, at play. But there was also an overwhelming spiritual element there for me.

I'm distressed by the responses many audience members and an upsetting amount of critics have had to this film. I'm struggling with how to approach writing about this film because, as I'm going to go into in more detail later on, this film requires personal interpretation and emotion and I don't want to hamper somebody else's experiences to "Tree" with mine. But, there are a few guiding principles that I think may help people have a more positive experience with this film.

Somebody out there is grumbling already. I can hear it: "If a film needs an introduction, if it needs a study guide, then the director hasn't done their job." Alright, maybe. And maybe this film shouldn't even have what I'm writing attached to it (for all six of my readers out there.) That being said, the language of this film is so foreign to the typical Hollywood fare, that I feel without a couple of basic principles understood going into it, it might as well be in Greek without subtitles. Finally, let me say that I'm not a film critic - I barely have an understanding of theatre criticism and that's my field. For those of you who studied film or theatre, what I'm presenting will be a fairly simplistic review. Anyway, I've studied enough to be able to point out a couple of principles that informed my reading of a film that moved me intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally. I will do my best simply to present principles for consideration and not attach them to specific moments or themes in the film so as not to interfere with your own viewing.

Iconography

When I speak of religious iconography, I'm speaking of the basic religious art adorning worship services. This is art intended to aid in private and public services. We Mormons aren't very good at this kind of art (neither are the Protestants) because we're afraid of accidentally falling into idolatry, so as a result our visual art tends to take not a worshipful stance, but a didactic stance. I don't think that fear's entirely necessary but that's beside the point. The point is that this is something the Catholics are good at.

That's actually not the point. But for a point of reference, please see traditional Catholic iconography. And here's what I'm fascinated by. In one of the many books I've read recently on the arts (I believe it was Given's People of Paradox but it could have just as easily been Lewis's "Experiment in Criticism" ), the idea of religious iconography is discussed at length. One of the ideas that I found most beautiful was the emptiness of the iconography. Successful icons are fairly simple in design and execution. They aren't overly flowery - aesthetically, they're kind of empty. Why? Because the art is incomplete without your contribution. You, the worshiper, are expected to invest your personal beliefs, prayers, experiences, etc., into the piece of art to complete it. If it were too adorned, the piece of art would cease to be experiential and become lesson-based instead (which is fine and has its place as well).

We've gotten quite used to being spoon-fed as audiences, particularly when we're the audience of something on a screen. There's some element of participation required for live performance. Audiences impact live performers more than they may realize. Applause aside, audiences produce a tangible air that performers play off of and adapt to (well, the good ones do.) Filmed works (vote-in reality TV show experiences aside) tend to be more passive because of that lack of interaction. As a result, we expect a more didactic than experiential and living experience from our filmed experiences. I'm not going to get into why that's an ultimately less-satisfying experience or on the dangers of escapism here but I will say this much: You cannot approach "The Tree of Life" that way. You must come to the altar ready to place your own beliefs, prayers, and experiences on top of the celluloid.

A Brief Lesson on Fragmentation

It's been seven years since I took good ol' "Reading and Constructing Narratives" at BYU, so I'm not going to give the most eloquent definitions of fragmentation I've ever given. Essentially, the type of fragmentation we're talking about here is semi-stream of conscious. As I've written about before, we don't view time in a linear manner. As I write this entry, memories from the past interact with hopes for the future, while I strain to make sense of the future. Fragmentation acknowledges this in its structure, jumping back from the present to the past, maybe even presenting both simultaneously (mainstream examples of this technique include the film "Memento" and "Death of a Salesman.")

A few words from our favorite professor, Dean Duncan:

"There are many effective alternatives to the linear norm. Instead of the propulsion of protagonists reaching for objectives, some stories meander, or slow down, or indulge in pleasurable diversions. Non-linear approaches sometimes make the storytelling, or even the medium itself, the subject of inquiry. This helps us constructively question the thing being presented, and perhaps to advantegously apply some of what we consider to our own circumstances.

"A story can dispense with straight chronology, flashing back and forward, in and out to suggest subjectivity, multiplicty, or that the connections between cause and effect are not as direct and inevitable as we might think. Finally, some less linear tales remind us that motivations aren't always clear, endings aren't always happy, and that we're heir to difficulties that test our mettle and demand our compassion for others."

(Duncan, D. [2008]. Thinking About Film: A Critical Perspective. Boston, MA: Pearson Education, Inc.)

Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is that I'm more than appalled that there are critics out there who say this movie has no plot or storyline. I don't expect the average moviegoer to be up to date on their narrative criticism. I do expect a critic to be.

Exaltation of the Everyday

"Oh, earth, you're too wonderful for anybody to realize you. Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it -- every, every minute?"

(Our Town by Thornton Wilder)

In my introduction to film class I took a million years ago, the significance of Jesus cleaning the feet of his apostles was brought up. Part of the beauty of that act of service was in how awfully filthy it was. Feet were essentially uncovered - sandals don't cover much and roads were dirty and disgusting. To clean another's feet was to deal with diflement. That's not pretty, pansy stuff. Did you know that cleaning one's feet was an ordinance at one point? In this regard, as a supreme act of charity, this professor (the aforementioned Dr. Duncan) went on to speak of not only the ordinance of the washing of the feet, but also the ordinance of washing the dishes, the ordinance of the changing of the diaper. These are charitable and unpleasant and utterly necessary things. These everyday things have the potential to become exaltative if approached with the right spirit.

In a similar vein, Brigham Young taught that all things are spiritual. The Doctrine and Covenants teaches this principal as well. Just in my readings this morning, I was impressed by how sacred regular family dinner can be, how tremendously transcendent chores can be.

Again, I don't want to expound too much here because I don't want to mess with what you see in the film. But, if you ask me, Malick seems to agree with this theology and approaches it in some really stunning ways.

Film and the Silence of Ordinances

Most religious services have silence built into their program. That moment of silence after a processional before speaking begins in the opening of an Episcopalian service can be thrilling. There is what some may consider an inordinately long stretch of silence in the LDS Sacrament meeting. And for those who have experienced the endowment ordinance in the LDS Temple services, have hopefully noticed the many stretches of silence built in there.

Now, some may grumble during those moments. And that's understandable, I guess. There are babysitters at home with the kids, there's traffic to be concerned about, papers to grade. But, while the silence in some of these services may appear to be strictly functional, I personally feel that those moments of silence are the point, they're a big part of the worship service. If used properly, they provide some excellent contemplation time: Time for pondering what may come next but often time for attempting to figure out what you've just witnessed and what it means.

Many critics have pointed out that such a system seems to have been built into "The Tree of Life." For me, those moments happened naturally as I watched it, without my even noticing they were occurring. Awashed with beautiful imagery, a stunning score built up from not only some original melodies but over thirty pieces of classical music, and themes that are so heavy that they managed to give a profanity/sex/violence-free movie a PG-13 rating, I was personally grateful for the moments of respite to ponder my relationship to the film. And amazingly, I bet if you and I were to watch this together, those respiteful moments would come in different places.

In Conclusion

Now, it's possible that you just might not like the movie. Fine. So be it. It's not perfect. By my account, it's about 5-10 minutes too long. But it challenged and engaged me in ways that I've rarely experienced. I wish I could write a blog expounding on how the film used each of the elements I've discussed but I know full well that my six readers likely haven't seen the movie yet, so I didn't want to spoil anything. Anyway, I thought the film was pretty fantastic. One of the many reviews of the film I've read (and I don't encourage reading reviews of this one beforehand), said that while many people are going to hate this film, they need to see it, because their input, the ensuing discussion, is so much a part of the experience of the film. So, go see it already. I await our conversations.

A Simple Statement

2011-05-30T19:29:00.000-07:00

I'm tired of being alone
("Love Song for No One" by John Mayer)

I'm tired of living alone. How do you people do it? I want roommates again. I am SO over this.

Never look back...

2011-05-26T17:10:00.000-07:00

How did you get here from there, Mr. Shephard?
If you look back, you can see...
Which is the moment and where, Mr. Shephard?
(From Merrily We Roll Along by Stephen Sondheim and George Furth)

-This time a year ago, I was wrapping up my internship at Signature. I was thrilled because I'd scored a job at Adventure that would start two weeks later. The two weeks in between the internship and starting at Adventure would be two of the most spiritual weeks I've ever had and would lend great support to my belief that the most important conversations happen in moving vehicles.

-This time two years ago, I was in my last term at BYU. I couldn't tell you my roommate's name. He was a real simple guy. Wasn't much to him besides his obvious penchant for working out. He liked when I would play the Across the Universe soundtrack so I let him borrow the movie. The look on his face as he watched that movie was a memory I shall not soon forget. Anyways, that term I took voice lessons (meh), intro to guitar (I'm really, really bad), and did my 360 credit on The Giver. I loved working The Giver. I loved the headset crew, I loved how insane some of the people involved with that show were, I loved that I had to keep working on running crew even though I was on crutches, I loved the books I'd read in the dark backstage. Also, bonfires, goodbye parties, and sneaking friends out of apartments from unrighteously dominioned roommates, and eating at Brick Oven after closing.

-This time three years ago, I was on study abroad in London. I blogged literally everyday I was there. Just go read the posts I wrote then. Enjoy.

-This time four years ago, I was in classes for spring term. I dominated my "Writing about the Arts and Humanities" class. The teacher referred to me as "Dr. Z" by the end of the class because the lectures basically turned into pseudo-intellectual discussions between the two of us everyday...Sigh. Also, this was the six weeks of my life when I lived in the Elms. I had 5 roommates. I remember none of their names.

-This time five years ago, I was serving in Odessa, MO as a missionary. The only small town I served in my entire mission which is something of a miracle considering the mission consisted almost exclusively of small towns. That last area was weird. The impending conclusion of such a significant point of my life did weird things to my mind. But, that's for another post for another time.

-This time six years ago, I was serving as a missionary in Leavenworth, Kansas. I can't remember if I was with Summers or Hallgren at that point. Tornadoes and military and Jared Gillett. That pretty much covers that.

-This time seven years ago, I had just received my mission call to the Missouri Independence Mission. I had just started rehearsals for the performance of Greater Than Us All that I directed and sang it. My memories of that experience are very, very vivid. I had just completed my first year at BYU. Things were moving rapidly. April 20th I received my patriarchal blessing, May 20th, my mission, and on June 20th, I gave my farewell talk. Insane.

-This time eight years ago, I had just finished Camelot and My Servant Joseph (married to Emily Powell twice in one month) and was in final rehearsals for Sleeping Beauty. Three opening nights in one month! And prom. Which was really, really fun. I was genuinely proud of that month.

That's far enough. So...what were you doing?

Free Write

2011-05-18T18:27:00.000-07:00

"Seeing all of the parts and none of the whole..."
(From Sunday in the Park with George by Stephen Sondheim and James Lapine)

-I fell in love with "Candide" too late in life. Where has this score been all my life? I know, I know, the show doesn't work completely - the point is made by the end of the first scene, so it ends up feeling like a thesis paper, proving its points for the rest of the evening. But what a thesis paper.

-I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. Staying in DC? Moving to Boston? Everything feels right and everything feels wrong. Who am I responsible to? Only myself? "Careful/No one acts alone," right? Those pesky verses in Mosiah...they say if you don't have anything to give, you're exempt from giving to those in need (there's a big issue here of honesty with one's self). I've always assumed that those verses implied giving of finances. Is it possible to run out of "self" to give? How do you know when you've got none of you left to give? Do I have nothing left to give or do I simply not want to give it? This is the question.

-Why do I keep watching Glee? I mean, honestly? Character choices that make no sense, overstuffed plot lines, camera work that's gotten too glossy and polished...repetitive themes...Gwenyth Paltrow autotuned...I miss old Glee. I will say this though. I can't get enough of their version of "Teenage Dream."

-I went camping for the first time in four years last week. It was nearly fake camping - we were there less than 24 hours, had dinner at a restaurant in town...but that's OK. The company was pretty fan-jolly-tastic, to quote you-know-who. I almost backed out of going and I am so glad I didn't. Exactly what I was needing.

-Somedays I wake up and the first thought I have is, "I miss singing in Latin." Is this strange? Is this yet another sign that I should be committed?

-In a related note, while my voice I think is, in in many ways, the best it's ever been, my musicality (ie, sight-singing, hearing my own part) has diminished to an embarrassing degree. While we're talking music, remember that time last month at work when the accompanist didn't show and I ended up accompanying? Nobody even knew I played. Alright, so that felt kind of good. Heh.

-I've been studying from the Eternal Marriage book this week in my morning studies. A select few of you will grasp the bigness of that.

-I recently realized that virtually every choice I make is a social one. One based on loyalty to people I've grown to love. Not a bad thing. I think.

-I've been living alone for about five weeks now. What's scariest is how quickly I've gotten used to it. I'm not as productive living alone. Cleaning has become my new distraction. I have a pretty steady stream of visitors, which I am very, very grateful for. It is rare for me not to feel overwhelmed by how loved I feel every night as I get ready for bed. That's made the transition a lot easier. But, still...I'm amazed...I'm going on about 7 hours of being in my apartment and not talking to anybody. That shouldn't feel natural. But it does.

-I recently discovered this blog and I am obsessed: cohabitationchronicles.wordpress.com . This guy is good. Real good. I agree with close to everything he says.

-I love music. So much that it hurts. I'm not as articulate as I wish I were about what I love but I know what I love and I love it so, so, so much.

Title Song

2011-05-08T14:41:00.000-07:00

We've come a long way
We've been through a lot
We've learned how to bounce.
As Papa would say,
"You're hot, then you're not.
You better learn to bounce."

If something goes wrong,
That's all right.
Bounce along,
Just travel light.
You go off the track,
Don't look back,
That's the thing that counts.

You hit a few bumps,
You make a few gaffes,
You learn how to bounce.
You take a few lumps,
You have a few laughs,
And all the while you bounce.

Don't dwell on the times
That you fail,
Remember the times
When you sailed.
Find a new road--
Forge a new trail--
Bounce.

...

The road may get rough.
Who knows in advance?
Get ready to bounce.

...

You do it enough--
You look for the chance,
You see it and you pounce.

...

We've bucked a few trends--
And with style.
We made a few friends--
For a while.
From all we've been through--
From dealing with you,
I've learned how to...

...

With someone to give
You a hand,
You not only live,
You expand.
You learn to adjust.
You do what you must:

Bounce.

(From Bounce by Stephen Sondheim and James Lapine)

In the words of another song from that Sondheim musical, "What's next?" Two years ago, I blogged about that question - not having any options. Now, I'm perplexed by having options. I'm afraid it may be time to bounce. Again.

But What I Really Want to Do...(pt. 2)

2011-05-02T18:28:00.000-07:00

Those of us who have been true readers all our life seldom fully realise the enormous extension of our being which we owe to authors. We realise it best when we talk with an unliterary friend. He may be full of goodness and good sense but he inhabits a tiny world. In it, we should be suffocated. The man who is contented to be only himself, and therefore less a self, is in prison. My own eyes are not enough for me, I will see through those of others. Reality, even seen through the eyes of many, is not enough. I will see what others have invented. Even the eyes of all humanity are not enough...
Literary experience heals the wound, without undermining the privilege, of individuality...in reading great literature I become a thousand men and yet remain myself. Like the night sky in the Greek poem, I see with a myriad eyes, but it is still I who see. Here, as in worship, in love, in moral action, and in knowing, I transcend myself; and am never more myself than when I do.

(C.S. Lewis, An Experiment in Criticism)

Continuation on a series I started a year ago about stories I want to tell as an artist.

NOTE: You non-Mormon or less-than-active-Mormon readers (all two of you) may feel the urge to stop reading this post. Please don't. Or, if you must, skip to the end. I have a question for you and I want an answer.

Last week, in response to the insane hit that The Book of Mormon musical has become on Broadway, Time published a list of 10 Memorable Depictions of Mormons in Pop Culture. While I've read or seen excerpts from nearly everything on the list (except for Moroni Traveler Jr.) the only one on their list I've seen from beginning to end is the 2003 Pride and Prejudice (which, for the record, I like a lot but don't love.)

Over a year ago, I wrote about the fact that I want to be one of the people to tell the Mormon story. Like the writer at Time says, as great as Angels in America is, it's hurt by its inaccuracies and bigotries. I hear Big Love suffers from a similar problem (Richard Dutcher commented, after his leaving the Church, that Big Love badly needed somebody on set to get terminology and theology right.) I want to be the one to tell the story. I've done my fair share of it musically - but dramatically? Nothing at this point.

And so, I present to you, a few highlights I've come across through a variety of genres. I'm pretty confident that each of these will appeal to the non-Mormon crowd. The best art is universal, right? I feel these pieces of art explain my faith-community accurately, and in a way that will appeal to the masses. Those who fear I'm trying to convert them? That's not the goal here. Maybe earn some respect, understanding...That works. Anyways, here's just a few samplings. Again, if you aren't interested on this list, shame on you for not caring. But please, answer the question at the end. I really really want to know your answer.

Drama
Title The Plan
Author Eric Samuelson
Premise A feminist interpretation of a series of well-known biblical scenes. It begins with a premortal conversation between Eve and Lucifer before plunging into conversations between David and Bathsheba, Rahab and Joshua, Jacob and Leah, Ruth and Boaz (not in that order.) The evening ends with a conversation between Adam and a dying Eve.
Critique Those of you who know how I work and how I feel about working in theatre know that I view play-reading as something of a painful experience. I hate it a lot. So, it's a testament to Eric's writing that I managed to read this one twice in one week. He highlights just how strong the women of the Bible must have been, how difficult choices of faith actually are, and just how painful mortality can be. This is stunning, stunning stuff. If you can figure out how to use the blasted search enging at sunstonemagazine.org, they recently published the play in their entirety. My knowledge of Mormoncentric theatre is limited but I can't think of a more human, painful, thought-provoking, or funny piece that I've come across.
What This One Says to the World Women have had it rough. Really, really rough. Men haven't had much better but women have had it pretty bad. But, as LDS doctrine teaches, suffering can be empowering and beautiful, and both genders learn that in the fallen-world situations described here. Also, it touches on unique LDS doctrines, like the idea of premortal existence.

Film
Title Brigham City
Director/Writer Richard Dutcher
Premise An overburdened LDS Bishop and small-Utah town sheriff, works with his community to put an end to a run of mysterious murders in his town.
Critique Eric D. Snider wrote that this film is a sloppy murder mystery but a remarkable spiritual film. He later went back and clarified his review, saying that the murder mystery aspect is irrelevant, it's just the backdrop for a really difficult, engrossing, and rewarding discussion about community, loss of innocence, and cries for redemption. It's worth all the acclaim it received. My memory of watching this one for the first time when I was 16 is cemented in my head. This film has changed and, in many ways, has defined my view of the world.
What This One Says to the World We LDS are virtually alone in our belief that the Fall of Adam and Eve was a necessary thing. This movie very subtly touches on the complications of that idea, the idea that we have to fall to come closer to God. It deals with the seemingly contradictory commands in the New Testament to be as innocent as children and wise as serpents in sobering, thought-provoking, but ultimately uplifting ways. It also touches on what I feel is one of the strongest aspects of Mormonism: Community. It shows the beautiful and the difficult here: The community is often so very, very beautiful but its hesitancy to deal with the difficult can lead to painful, painful situations.

Classical Music
Title Songs of the Soul
Artist Brigham Young University Singers (con: Ronald Staheli)
Premise An intensely spiritual album, the album covers birth, life, death, and resurrection in its song selection.
Critique I've owned this album probably close to a decade and I've yet to find a CD that usurps its title as my favorite album. The selections, from Staheli's now famous "I Love the Lord" arrangement through the the thrilling "Lux Aeterna," two Whitacre pieces, some of the most beautiful hymn arrangements I've ever heard...I was actually introduced to this album by a non-LDS choir teacher in high school. He raved about it. And years and years and dozens and dozens of plays later, I understand why. There's simply nothing better than this album. There's something in it that really sparkles. The selections, the sequencing, the perfect blend/vowels/phrasing, and the tremendous spirit are unmatched.
What This One Says to the World While it admits that there is suffering in this world, Songs of the Soul also admits that there is potential for supreme beauty in this world and in the world to come. There's little strictly LDS-theology on this album (two pieces take their text from the Book of Mormon but they might as well be Old Testament Psalms). Really, this album shows devotion, faith, and joy in remarkably spiritual and other-worldly ways. We LDS can sometimes get bogged down in the everyday tasks - and understandably so, we believe that all things are spiritual. But this album is a reminder that we also believe in things much, much higher than us.

Pop Music
Title Stories from Eden's Garden
Artist/Composer Kenneth Cope
Premise Primarily an album about his family, Kenneth is at his best here. Nothing tops the spirituality here, the love-life attitude, the musicality, or the sensitive lyrics he wrote on this mid-90's album. Those who criticize religious pop as being love songs with Jesus' name inserted into the lyrics have yet to experience this one. An opening eulogy to his father, a love song to his wife, two songs about his children, one song that I later found out was about his brother's optimism in the face of cancer, a piece about the fall of Adam and Eve that is more doctrinally rich than anything I've ever heard set to music, a song about our eternal potential to become like God...It sounds kind of heavy. But, he totally resists the sermonizing here and lets his beautiful music work with the simple, often poetic lyrics here.
Critique It's no secret I'm a Kenneth Cope fan. And it should be no secret that this, now out of print album, is, in my opinion, the finest LDS pop album ever produced. It's got more sincerity packed into it than I thought possible. Run to this one.
What It Says to the World That the reason we're put into families is because the day-to-day growth experienced in the home is richer than a thousand sermons could ever be. That we came from somewhere beautiful to this fallen world to prepare ourselves for something even more beautiful. That "there's flowers in bloom lining [our] way along this trail of tears."

Novel
Title Bound on Earth
Author Angela Hallstrom
Premise The story of a contemporary Mormon family. Prescription drug issues, acceptance issues, dealing with the ironies of obeying certain commandments with expectations that are confounded, etc, mental illness all highlighted by a subtle Mormon background. The protagonist here is the entire family unit. All struggling to make it through with faith and family intact.
Critique It's a hard book to describe. It's been described as a series of short-stories, or episodic, but that doesn't really do it justice. There is a through-line but it's subtle. I found this book to be gripping and to match much of how I view the world. At the heart of the book is irony: That ever-frustrating gap between the expectation and the reality. Is there any greater test of faith?
What This One Says to the World That though we believe the Truth has been revealed, that we have to work for the micro-truths in our lives. That family matters. Again, that suffering and sacrifice create genuine opportunities for growth and greater happiness. That the whole reason we Mormons suffer through commandments that the rest of the world thinks are unnecessary or even unhealthy are because we believe the sacrifice is worth it. I dare you to not be moved by the closing anecdote in this book.

Website
Title Fit for the Kingdom
Creator Dean Duncan
Premise A series of un-gilded and unadorned "lowly" documentaries about everyday Latter-Day Saints. Favorites include the one about family scripture study, one following a Mormon mother's going through chemo, the one about the elderly Provo crossing guard, the burial of a pet bird, the young Primary students in London, or the one about the young mother who gave up career to stay at home with her daughter.
Critique This film series, is, again in my opinion, probably the best of all Mormon art. We Mormons love to quote scriptures about the Spirit being still, small, and quiet and verses that talk about the Spirit being found not in earthquakes or fires but in a still, small voice. I'm often baffled by our discussions about the quiet Spirit that are then morphed into bombastic-overly-Hollywoodish-overally-musicalized-emotionally-manipulative films. There's none of that here. Simple editing, simple shooting, and real people of faith. Profound stuff.
What This One Says to the World That the quiet moments matter. That, contrary to the way media occasionally portrays us Mormons, we are open to complicated matters and deal with them the best we can. That serving others, again in quiet ways, is the heart of spirituality. I've noticed in describing these favorites of mine, that each of them teach that there is beauty and growth available in suffering and sacrifice. These films, as nearly any good documentary does, teaches that very principle.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, there's where I stand. I invite you, Mormon and non, to take a look and or listen. We cannot expect to reach understanding without actually making an attempt to understand each other. And I feel that any of these six I've chosen could lead to momentous understanding. Check them out and let me know what you think.

Finally. The question I have for you. What works of art feel best represent your community? If you're religious, are there books or films that you feel represent your teachings or community well? Catholic, Muslim, gay, actor, lawyer...whatever. I want to understand you. Let me know what books, songs, plays, films represent whatever community it is that you identify with.

(Also, Mormon readers. Do you agree with my choices? Disagree? What would you include on your "This portrays me accurately" list?)

Gotta Have Friends, Pt. 2: New Life

2011-04-17T19:06:00.000-07:00

Now at last I see what comes from feeling loved.
Strange, how merely feeling loved,
You see things clearly.
Things I feared, like the world itself,
I now love dearly.
I want to live.
Now I want to live,
Just from being loved.

All that pain I nursed inside
For all those years-
All that vain and bitter self-concern-
All those tears and all that pride
Have vanished into air...
I don't want to leave.
Now that I am loved,
I don't want to leave.

(From Passion by Stephen Sondheim and James Lapine)

Thank you for screaming when you saw me. Not only for screaming but screaming a lot.

Thank you, for a hug that I'll remember forever, that I'll "wrap myself in when the world gets cold and I forget that there are people that are warm and loving..." And that's coming from a person who hates being touched!

Thank you for the late night text. I grumbled a little when it woke me - not gonna lie. But, to wake up cause of a text really isn't that bad of a deal.

Thanks for a specific compliment. Coming from you, the specificity and the admiration means the world because my admiration for you is kind of out of control.

In a similar vein, thank you for being proud of me. I could see in your eyes and hear in your voice that the pride was genuine.

Thank you for driving me everywhere, for helping me with errands. I'm kind of helpless that way. Know that I hate asking for help but love you for your help.

You make me laugh so, so, so hard. You have such a keen eye for the absurd surrounding us and I need your humor to make it through that absurdity.

Good grief, you're so talented. I'm a little jealous but mostly I'm uplifted and inspired by you. I want to be just like you when I grow up.

I know I've said this before but I can't thank you enough for dealing with my drama and for taking all of my little secrets with such grace, dignity, and charity. The prayers I've said thanking God for you are embarrassing but sincere.

Thank you for sitting through my lectures on Sondheim, religion, Thornton Wilder, etc. I appreciate the sounding board.

I'm glad that I'm the one you complain to. In its own weird way, it's a compliment.

Making music with you is an honor and privilege. One that breathes new life into me every time I get the chance.

I gotta say, I don't understand or fully agree with the choices you're making, but watching you grow has forced me to grow and I guess I gotta be grateful for that.

You are so good. You have gone out of your way to serve me so many times I sit in shock every time I think about it. And it's not only me. Seems that everyday I hear another story about how you helped this person, or that person, or shared this with that girl, or took this burden on from that guy.

Ten years ago, a music professor I later ended up working with in college, taught a truth during a rehearsal at Summerfest. He said that anytime we're doing something that could be done in the presence of God, we're praising God. We're using the life we've been given properly and that makes Him happy. A wonderful evening with friends is spiritual. Taking time to serve or taking the time to be served can bring you closer to God. Creating beautiful art with a loved one can bind hearts together and to the Creator. So, I guess, in conclusion, I want to thank you, yes, you, for bringing me closer to God. When I'm with you, the concerns and questions melt away. There's only clarity and excitement. The pain is replaced with Spirit and a feeling that I just might actually be worth something. "I'm someone to be loved/And that I learned from you."

You've done good.

Gotta Have Friends, pt. 1: Goal-Oriented Friendships

2011-03-27T19:05:00.000-07:00

It's the little things you do together,
Do together,
Do together,
That make perfect relationships.
The hobbies you pursue together,
Savings you accrue together,
Looks you misconstrue together...
(From Company by Stephen Sondheim and George Furth)

I've been thinking about friendship for a while. I've been thinking of this entry for a few days now and then, I get to Church, and all the talks in sacrament are about friendship. Anyway. Next coupla blogs will undoubtedly be rambling attempts to figure out what makes a quality and/or long-lasting friendship.

Note: When talking about the various groups of friends in my life, I recognize it is impossible to sing the praises of one group without another group feeling diminished. That is in no way, my intent. I love all of my friends. Tremendously. And while one group may feel neglected in this entry, another is inevitably going to feel neglected next entry.

I've had this idea stewing in my head for a while. Last year, I overcame my fear of non-arts people and most of my friends in my current life (aka, my DC life) are non-theatre/non-music people. I blogged about this accomplishment and how difficult/rewarding it has been for me. To work with people who value me (or at least pretend to) regardless of my talent/resume, etc., has helped my self-worth in ways I could never describe. I love my DC friends more than life itself.

But, I realized something while in Provo last week. The friendships that have lasted the years, that have a sense of true richness in them, all have one thing in common: They're based in work. Men's Chorus friends, friends I've done shows with, taken classes with, done projects with, gone through a trial with. Each of these friendships was initiated by a common goal. Whether the goal be achieving a well-paced and thoughtful scene, figuring out a life problem together, or simply singing an 8-part piece in tune, there was an initial goal behind each friendship. The friendships have all gone far beyond those goals but they all have endured because of the shared experience, the adventure of working together to achieve something greater than either individual could achieve, because of the sense of ensemble and unity demanded by the circumstances we were in.

So, what am I getting to? I guess I'm saying that a friendship based on solely on going out to eat isn't ever going to reach any real depth, richness, or a long-stretch of time. There has to be something to work for or through. A marriage becomes rich when it's no longer about endless vacations, right? Once it becomes about rearing a family, or about working through an experience neither could have anticipated (see Rabbit Hole), or in building a kitchen/garage/house, it moves beyond romance and moves into true (albeit quiet) love. I think. And I think the same thing goes for friendships. A friendship doesn't have to be based in performance. I'm not saying arts friends > everybody else. Rather, I'm just observing that the friends that have endured blood on the stage or crazies in the lobby with me have endured something with me, and therefor, have something pretty dang special they share with me.

Once again, I have to make sure that I'm not implying life is supposed to be miserable. Friendships are not to be found in intentional disaster or unending misery. But there has to be a goal. The goals can change with the friendship. The goal can begin to make the other smile, then move on to creating a new work of art, or to reactivate a home teachee with your companion, and on and on and on until that perfect day...But, I've become convinced that a friendship that isn't based on working toward something is going to become stagnant at best.

Thoughts?

OMG Im in sith grade

2011-03-06T06:19:00.000-08:00

"Getting to know you,
Putting it my way,
But nicely."
(From The King and I by Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II)

What Is your natural hair color?
Brown

Where was your banner pic taken?
Fashion Show Mall in Las Vegas. Please see, The Amazing Technicolor Flashmob (I'm the one with the tie.)

What's your middle name?
William

Your current relationship status?
"Live alone and like it..."

Honestly, does your crush like you back?
The more important question is if I even HAVE a crush...

What is your current mood?
Ambivalent.

What color underwear are you wearing?
White.

What makes you happy?
Kids, working with people that aren't crazy, good movies, a great rhyme, Church, my dog, family, friends, rides to institute, a really great chord progression, peanut butter...

If you could go back in time, and change something what you would change?
Depending on what minute you ask me, my answer is likely to be, "My major."

If you MUST be an animal for ONE day- what would you be?
A dog. A very happy dog. If I must.

Ever had a near death expeirence?
Not exactly. I have been hospitalized a lot but not exactly near death.

Something you do a lot?
Read. I read so so so much.

What's the name of the song stuck in your head right now?
I'm listening to Singers. They're singing "When David Heard."

Name someone with the same b-day as you?
Michael Jordan

When was the last time you cried?
At a busstop in Maryland.

Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
Nope. Never. Never sung in a musical, concert, fireside, audition, anything.

If you could have one super power what would it be?
The ability to control time. Slow it down, speed it up, stop it, jump ahead, back...etc...

What's the first thing you notice about the opposite/same sex?
Voice (I know that's weird but if she talks like Oscar the Grouch it's going to make me uncomfortable.)

What do you usually order from Starbucks?
Carmel apple spice.

What's your biggest secret?
Hahaha, you thought I would fall for that. You can't know.

What's your favorite color?
Green.

When was the last time you lied?
Hmm. Not sure.

Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
Define "kiddy." If by "kiddy" you mean, family appropriate stuff, yeah I love Pixar with a passion and as all of you know, I'm obsessed with Charlie Brown...Also, Babe: Pig in the City is one ofthe greatest films ever made. If you mean, "Dora the Explorer," no, I don't watch that junk.

What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
My saliva.

28. Do you speak any other language?
For a while I was pretty good with sign but I don't really talk with deaf people anymore so it's slipping...

What's your favorite smell?
Cookies.

If you could describe life in one word what would it be?
Awkward.

When was the last time you gave/received a hug?
Yesterday. Hugged one of my students.

Have you ever been kissed in the rain?
No. That reminds me of this.

What are you thinking about right now?
How much I love having a couple of minutes to do something ridiculous like this.

What should you be doing?
Getting ready for Church and work.

What was the last thing that made you upset/angry?
I often feel like I have no control over any circumstances in my life. This makes me have a sadface.

How often do you pray?
Multiple times a day.

Do you like working in the yard?
I actually kind of enjoy mowing the lawn. But that's about it.

If you could have any last name in the world, what would you
want?
I don't know. Who's somebody rich that I could see as my father? Stephen Sondheim.

Do you act differently around your crush?
Again. Do I have one?

Name one song that reminds you of an ex?
"You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile" from Annie. Joke.

In Which David Zobell Confesses Everything and Nothing and Quotes Sondheim Even More Than Usual.

2011-02-28T09:31:00.000-08:00

"Why keep concealing
Everything you're feeling?"
(From Dick Tracy by Stephen Sondheim)

See, I have this problem. We probably haven't spoken about it. As a matter of fact, we probably haven't spoken about any problems. That's the problem.

Let's look at the shows I've directed or assistant directed in the last couple of years.

Apologies. Play about a girl dealing with depression who ultimately kills herself because she can't express what's going on inside of her and can't communicate her struggles properly with others. Others around her aren't knowledgeable enough to respond properly to her situation.

Dancing at Lughnasa. Central and title metaphor of the play concerns people who can't ever find the right words to express themselves. They only find freedom in dance.

Man to Man: Concerns a married couple whose marriage has almost completely disintegrated over nearly two decades. Why? Because they haven't learned how to approach each others issues and haven't learned how to explain their own.

Walter Cronkite is Dead: A play about two women of very different backgrounds and beliefs who are FORCED by circumstance to open up to each other.

We seeing the pattern here? Everything I touch ends up being about the struggle to communicate, to open up, and to learn to listen. They're all about communication. I keep telling people that the next show I do won't be about the same old "learn to talk/learn to listen" themes but I'm starting to doubt that myself. Even the shows I'm assigned to end up being about this. And, truth be told, I think I'm going to keep getting stuck with these shows until I learn to take my own advice.

I hate difficult. I love complicated, complex, difficult art. But in life? Default mode is pleasantry. But, on occasion, I wish I could hit the hard stuff. Really hit it. Ask the tough questions, bring up the awkward conversations. But I can't. Reasons:

-I don't want to ruin somebody's day. We're having a grand old time - why ruin it with me bringing up your issue or bringing up my issue? You know? Nobody likes the killjoy.

-I don't want the responsibility. If you want to talk about ______, by all means, bring it up and I will talk away. But I don't want the responsibility of bringing it up. You go first.

-I want you to like me. Me bringing up _______(be it something about me or something about you) risks your liking me.

-I have a remarkably difficult time talking about things in a personal way. I can talk about art that moves me, I can talk about a newspaper article or a blog post I read that expresses what I feel. But, I'm incapable of expressing it myself, unaided by some author. And so, here to express what I'm trying to say, is my favorite singer singing my favorite song by my favorite songwriter. Have a listen (and take the poster's advice: it really is easier to hear with headphones): Anyone Can Whistle.

Reasons I need to learn to communicate:
-I am convinced that the kind of communication I'm talking about here is the stuff of rich relationships. I'm going to turn to Mr. Sondheim yet again to explain yet again. My favorite musical, "Company," centers around a 35-year-old bachelor and his concerned married friends. Nobody can figure out why charismatic (but cool) Bobby isn't married. Throughout the show, he puts up some pretty good reasons not to be married. But, in the final moments, the walls come crumbling down and you find that all the ugly parts of marriage are what he's craving the most. Someone holding him TOO close, hurting him TOO deep, knowing him TOO well. Because somehow the ugly, as I'm going to call it, adds substance to it all. Here's the final scene of Company (I should note. It's not written this way but in this particular production, the actors double as the orchestra. Up until this point, Bobby hasn't played any instruments - rather he's been supported in his singing by everybody else.)

-Because it leads to unfair situations. You open up to me, you tell me everything and I tell you nothing? It's an unfair trade. Half the time you open up to me, I relate completely, but for whatever reason, I can't find the words. So, I just sit there, nod my head, and don't return the favor you granted me with your vulnerability. In the last four months, I've had at least three moments like these and I've left all three with major regret in keeping my mouth closed like I usually do.

-Because blogs and Facebook status updates aren't real life.

-Because the final scene of the movie Rabbit Hole changed my life.

-Because I work in theatre. We're not supposed to be this closed-off.

-Because for as much as I talk, it oughta have substance every once-in-a-while.

-Because those rare conversations where I have opened up or where I've allowed somebody to open up to me have felt really, really good. "They dreamed of one of those long conversations that one never has on earth, but which one projects so easily at midnight, alone and wise..." (The Cabala, Thornton Wilder.)

A couple of clarifications:
-What I'm envisioning here isn't some kind of awful, "Let's all sit around and be miserable all the time" fest. Far from it. I love laughing more than anything and chances are, if I talk to you on a regular basis it's mostly cause you make me laugh. I'm just looking for something richer. I'm looking for the courage to say, "Actually, you're wrong" to say, "Actually, I agree with you completely and totally empathize." I'm looking for the right way to listen to you when you open up to me. Simply saying, "Wow, I can't imagine" can't always be the right response right? But I'm looking for something more substantial, more complete. To quote Passion, I'm in the business of finding something "Not pretty or safe or easy but more than I ever knew." I don't think I necessarily can only find that in some kind of romantic sense. I have seen friendships supply it before. At some point though, I started to resist from anywhere and anyone though.

-I am not meaning to imply some sort of bitter/sweet thing here (ie, the sweeter moments in a relationship are so because of their comparatively bitter moments.) I don't think the bitter makes the sweet sweeter in comparison in this case. Rather, the bitter tastes fine mixed in with the sweet. Or something.

-I recognize that it's capable to discuss difficult things without being labeled as the depressing one or as a jerk. I just have no idea how. "Maybe you could show me..."

-In the meantime, let's chat. Let's have a dialogue. And while I appreciate your comments on the blog and look forward to reading them, let's chat in real life too sometime, eh? You tell me your ugly and I'll think about doing more than nodding my head. It may hurt, it may "get [me] down" and hopefully it'll be worth the effort. I wrote a lot last year about my new life in DC. I think I'm ready for another new life in DC. As it stands right now, I'm a little too good at shoveling "what's uncomfortable underneath the rug."

I have to admit though, I'm nervous...

"Leave it alone.
Hold it all in.
Better a bone
Don't even begin.
With so much to win,
There's too much to lose."

(From Dick Tracy by Stephen Sondheim)

Zobell's 2010 Media List

2011-01-02T15:36:00.000-08:00

Note: This entry, posted on February 20th, was written January 3rd. For a lot of boring reasons, it wasn't posted till nearly 2 months after it was written.

Alright, time for the annual list that I enjoy writing and I don't think anybody enjoys reading (really, guys, this one takes hours to write and depends on a record that I spend all year writing.) The move to DC did change things. I saw enough historical sites and museums to feel I can justify creating a category for them, saw so few movies that I can hardly feel justified in creating a category for them. Theatre viewing was up, as was book reading. The one TV show I watch turned into meh (more on that later), music was a mixed bag, concert viewing was down...Anyway. That's all even more boring than the rest of this.

Special note: In the past, if I knew somebody involved in the production of the show/CD/book/concert, I wouldn't consider placing it in my top 5 or whatever. It's getting increasingly more difficult for me to watch or read something that isn't connected to me or coworkers in someway or another, so that rule's out the door. I have excluded works produced by theatres while I was working at them though. But, to be fair, I will mark ones that were, in some part, made by people I know with this symbol: * .

Finally, these aren't listed in any order. The top five are the top five (with the exception of "Our Town" which was not only the #1 for the year but probably the #1 for my life.)

Here we go.

Theatre

Ben Cunis was amazing. "King Arthur" was amazing.

Our Town
It's no secret that I love Thornton Wilder. His understanding of humanity is matched only by his ability to express that understanding. I get incredibly frustrated when people dismiss his works as naive, dated, or dull. Those who make such claims have either never taken the time to read his works on their own (English teachers, ugh) or have never seen a production that gets just how daring his stuff really is. Nothing in saw in 2010 was as shocking, revelatory, or earth-shattering as David Cromer's bare-boned production of "Our Town." Once in a while, a show lives up to all the hype. Furthermore, this production was shocking, revelatory, earth-shattering, etc...while staying completely in harmony with Wilder's original intentions. This wasn't a revival where the director had to place outlandish ideas on top of the script to bring out the director's intentions. While there were things that were done here that had never been done before (oh, that ending...), I firmly believe Wilder would have loved them and that they all supported the text. Bravo.

A Little Night Music
Perfect? No. Some of the blocking was incredibly frustrating, Elaine Stritch wasn't completely off-book, and I still have mixed feelings on the reduced orchestrations. But, this evening was pretty near perfect. Bernadette Peters was simply radiant. Her ability to play a joke is nearly unmatched. "You Must Meet My Wife" has never been funnier, nor has "The Glorious Life" ever moved the plot forward as much as it did here. Her chemistry with the others was wonderful, the Liebeslieder Singers possessed some of the most beautiful voices I've ever heard, the simplistic concept worked surprisingly well...Again, not perfect. But smart. So smart and so fun.

King Arthur
I believe my jaw may have been to the ground for the entire 100-minute production. A 100-minute production with no dialogue performed on a stage covered in water sounds like a gimmick and it might be one. But, my goodness, was it an enjoyable gimmick. The physical control of the actors matched with the ingenuity of the actors made this one that was constantly surprising. And the water. Oh, man. The water. I'm so glad I got a seat in the "Splash Zone" (you heard me.) The water was its own character. Whether it was quietly rippling before a battle, exploding in my face during a celebratory dance, or falling from the skies on a man running away from his feelings, it was always beautiful. Bravo, Synetic.

Circle Mirror Transformation*
As you know, I teach acting. As you know if you've worked with me, is that I tend to teach using creative drama techniques. That definitely fed my overwhelming response to Studio's production of the recent Off-Broadway play about a community rec center's beginning creative drama class. I found myself constantly having to bite my tongue - I was side-coaching from the audience! I wish I could have seen this production with a non-theatre person. Would they have noticed that the teacher wasn't a good one? That these exercises, almost ones I've used, were being taught poorly and for poor reasons? Maybe not, but that insight certainly fueled my intense passion for what I was watching. The performances weren't perfect and I have mixed feelings on the final image, but overall, I was gripped and gripped intensely.

The Liar*: Shakespeare Theatre, a company whose work I admire a lot, produced this new adaptation by David Ives. Smart direction, smart performances, smart design (although I will say, that extravagant curtain that fell at close of the first act was a little over the top for my tastes), and a very, very smart script. It's tough to write a script in verse that doesn't make me go insane but you did it, Ives. You not only made one that was tolerable, but enjoyable and very, very funny. And the cast was simply exquisite. Bravo to Michael Kahn and everyone at Shakespeare.

Theatre I saw in 2010
Mulan (Imagination Stage)*
Show Boat (Signature)*
I Am My Own Wife (Signature)*
The Rivalry (Ford’s) *
The Miser (Washington Shakespeare Company)
Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (Signature) *
Our Town (Barrow Street Theatre)
Richard II (Shakespeare Theatre Company)
Peter and the Wolf (Imagination Stage)*
The Light in the Piazza (Arena)*
Title of Show (Signature) *
Son of a Stand Up Comedian (MetroStage)*
Little Shop of Horrors (Ford’s)*
Godspell (Wakefield HS) *
Kafka’s Metamorphosis (Synetic)
The Liar (Shakespeare Theatre Company) *
Sycamore Trees (Signature) *
Mrs. Warren’s Profession (Shakespeare Theatre Company)
I Love You, You’re Perfect, Now Change (Las Vegas Little Theatre)
If You Give a Pig a Pancake (Adventure Theatre)
Love’s Labor’s Lost (Traveling Players Ensemble)
Avenue Q (Shakespeare Theatre Company - National Tour)
Mary Poppins (Kennedy Center)
A Little Night Music (Walter Kerr Theatre)
Chess (Signature) *
The Greenwood Tree (Reading - Kennedy Center)*
Spot’s Birthday Party (Adventure)*
Circle Mirror Transformation (Studio Theatre) *
A Fox on the Fairway (Signature) *
Hair (Kennedy Center)
Little Women (W.T. Woodson High School) *
King Arthur (Synetic Theatre)
Candide (Shakespeare) *
Dreamgirls (Duke Ellington School of the Arts)
Sunset Blvd. (Signature) *

Film

I've sworn off award shows cause they're stupid but Social Network better win. Just saying.

I only saw 10 films this year (due, in great part, because I didn't attend the LDS Film Festival) so I have decided to reduce the awards list for this one down to only two films.

Toy Story 3
Sitting there in the theatre (the first of three times I saw it on the big screen), I thought at one point, "How in the world did I think for the last 10 years that this story was finished? How did I ever assume that Toy Story 2 had completed the series?" Rare is the sequel that makes you think that and even rarer is the film that stirs the kinds of emotions this one did.

The Social Network
Aaron Sorkin deserves the praise he's received for this one. The trademark dizzying dialogue has earned him plenty of attention but not enough has been said about how exceptionally well he's captured our generation. The film is engrossing and very, very funny, but it all ends on a note that depressed me beyond description.

Films I Saw in 2010
Alice in Wonderland
Toy Story 3
Inception
Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
The Social Network
Unstoppable
Les Miserable: The 25th Anniversary Concert
Tangled
True Grit
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

Albums

I'm sure Donny and Marie are nice people but David's got more talent than both of them combined.

Road Less Traveled
David Osmond's first inspirational album is likely to shock many Deseret Book purchasers. Some pretty intense guitars open the album leading into the first lyrics: "Went through hell trying to get to heaven." In that same song, David Osmond laments perfect people with perfect smiles at church that feel phony. Woah. The rest of the album, be it a song of mourning over the loss of face-to-face communication to Twitter updates or songs about making a spiritual comeback, is filled with sentiments I've never heard put to music. And really, really good music. Most LDS pop/rock doesn't sound like the real thing but this does. I wish the lyrics were as good as the thoughts and music accompanying them (they're too sloppy too often for my tastes) but I still applaud this. It's unlike anything heard in the LDS Market before. And check out that bass/saxophone/jazz version of "Precious Savior, Dear Redeemer." In the week I've owned it, it's already become part of my vocabulary.

Glee: The Journey to Regionals
Only six songs but they're six great songs that evoke memories of a truly great episode. Too bad Glee turned awful full-time after this...

The Scottsboro Boys
Presumably the end of the Kandor and Ebb era. Nobody's going to say that Scottsboro Boys is what Cabaret or Chicago were and are but a lot of people (myself included) are going to mourn that this show didn't last longer on the Great White Way. The ironies are thick here and the innovations presenting them are heavy. It's really stunning stuff, certainly better than the jukebox musicals (referred to as "karaoke hell" by Stephen Holden) and the Blockbuster-to-Broadway-Box-Office stuff that's dominated for the last decade. This is sobering and serious and wickedly funny. And oh, so, very, very tuneful.

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing
The album on the whole isn't a favorite of mine, not even a favorite Tabernacle Choir CD, but it's worth noting for one reason and one reason only. Alex Boye. The first time I saw him perform the spiritual numbers on this album, during the 2009 Pioneer Day broadcast, I was simply beside myself. His solos in the concert and on this subsequent album, breathe life and vitality into a group whose work I find respectable rather than beautiful, and dainty and safe rather than uplifting and breathtaking. There are on every album of theirs, numbers that I find thrilling. But nothing they've recorded has topped "I Want Jesus to Walk With Me." This, along with David Osmond's album, and the next one on my list, mark some significant leaps and bounds made in the realms of LDS music.

180th Annual General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints: April 2010
Wait. What? Why is this here? The talks are great (especially Holland's Place "Place No More for the Enemy of My Soul.") But let's talk about the music from the Priesthood Session. Have chords as rich, layered, appropriate, and beautiful as in Rosalind Hall's arrangement of "Choose the Right" ever been sung in a General Conference? I think not. All three of their numbers (the others, Ron Staheli's "The Iron Rod" and Danny McDavitt's "God Loved Us So He Sent His Son") are invigorating and tremendously spiritual.

Albums I Purchased in 2010
Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing (MoTab)*
Hair (New Broadway Cast)
Glee, the Music: The Power of Madonna (Original TV Soundtrack)
Nine (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)
Glee: The Music, Volume 3 Showstoppers (Original TV Soundtrack)
180th Annual General Conference: April 2010 *
Glee, The Music: Journey to Regionals. (Original TV Soundtrack)
Beethoven: Piano Sonatas OPP. 26, 14, & 28 (Murray Perahia)
Glee, the Music: The Christmas Album (Concept Album)
A Lovely Way to Spend Christmas (Kristin Chenoweth)
The Forgotten Carols: A Christmas Miracle for Isaac and Eliza (Michael McLean)
The Pilgrim’s Journey Home (The Choirs and Orchestra of BYU) *
Glee, the Music: Volume 4 (Original TV Soundtrack)
The Scottsboro Boys (Original Off-Broadway Cast Recording)
Road Less Traveled (David Osmond)
Promises, Promises (New Broadway Cast Recording)
Heavier Things (John Mayer)
180th Annual General Conference: October 2010 *

Books:

Stop reading this blog and start reading Amazing Grace.

Virtually any of the books (with the exception of 2001: A Space Odyssey and Little Women, both which were tortuous) I read this year are worth recommending. But these are the five I think will stay with me the longest.

The Bridge of San Luis Rey
Oh, Wilder. The things you do to my soul. Chapter three was enough to kill me. I tend to have high emotion reactions to just about everything but even I was surprised by my response to that chapter. I've only read two of Wilder's novels and there are definitely similarities between the two (episodic, distanced narration, etc) and there are similarities between those novels and his plays (a strong understanding of how content dictates form, characters that are at once archetypal and too detailed to be stereotyped). The questions of spirituality placed here are not easy ones but they're important ones and it's good to have such good writing to help ask them and begin the journey to figure out the answers.

The Cabala
This obsession with all things Wilder began in 9th grade when I was in a production of "The Skin of Our Teeth" at Rainbow Company. But until 2010, the obsession stuck only with his plays. And while I love, love, love his plays, if the rest of his novels are as good as these two were, I may walk away saying he was a better novelist than playwright. This book, like The Bridge of San Luis Rey, is very, very funny and very human. A much more literary work than "Bridge," this one won't have the mass appeal that Bridge had, but I still enjoyed laughing at and mourning for these complex and paradoxical characters.

Amazing Grace
I remember standing in my backyard early summer reading this one (strange circumstances for reading, no doubt) and thinking at one point, "The neighbors are going to think something's wrong" because of the highly vocal reactions I was making while reading this book. This book, mostly a collection of interviews with children and the grown-ups who care for them in the lowest-income areas of the Bronx, produced outrage and faith often in the same sentence. A truly important book. This is one of those books that I wish I could somehow make everyone read and discuss.

Tangerine
I'm slowly plugging through a list of recommended children and young adult books. Some I look forward to with great anticipation, some I dread having to eventually read (I'm looking at you, Harry Potter), and some I read out of head-scratching obligation. This book fell into the latter. A book about soccer? Honestly? Well, kind of. It's about soccer, it's about parenting, it's about dangerous sibling rivalry, it's about educators caring more about convenience than their students, it's about overcoming fears, it's about telling the truth no matter what, about class and race conflicts, about environmentalism...It's about a lot of things but those issues never become overwhelming, didactic, or messy. They're secondary to what's a really, really gripping story.

Rift
Not my favorite of the Association for Mormon Letters winners but a pretty great one, nonetheless. The tone is exceptional, the dialogue is snappy, and the situations thought provoking. The last third-or-so got a little over the top, in my opinion, which keeps me from giving it a 100% rave, but overall, the protagonist is incredibly entertaining, far more complex than I thought he'd be...And the writer gets Utah. He really gets that crazy place.

Books I read in 2010:
Hope in Our Hearts (Nelson)
Boy (Dahl)
After the Fall (Miller)
Pinnochio (Collodi)
The Empty Space (Brook)
Go Ask Alice (Anonymous)
The Cabala (Wilder)
Tuck Everlasting (Babbitt)
Christ and the New Covenant (Holland)
Rift (Petersen)
Trusting Jesus (Holland)
2001: A Space Odyssey (Clarke)
The Complete Peanuts: 1963-1964 (Schulz)
Amazing Grace (Kozol)
The American Clock (Miller)
Hoot (Hiaasen)
Mere Christianity (Lewis)
Little Women (Alcott)
The Bridge of San Luis Ray (Wilder)
The Book of Three (Alexander)
Redemption Road (Brown)
Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret (Blume)
The Complete Peanuts: 1965-1966 (Schulz)
The Wizard of Oz (Baum)
The Last Yankee (Miller)
Tangerine (Bloor)
The Forgotten Carols: A Christmas Miracle for Isaac and Eliza (McLean)

Museums and Historical Sites

This gorgeous picture doesn't do the National Cathedral justice.

This is new for me, "adjudicating" these. But, they've become an important part of my arts life and feel that I should make brief notes on a couple of places that have impressed me.

Newseum
I am usually opposed to museums that cost money, especially one that costs 18 dollars, but this one is worth every penny (especially since it pays for two days of visitation.) Multimedia and interactive in all the right ways. The line-up of daily front covers on the outside is worth the visit alone and then you get inside...in two hours I only made it through 2 floors (barely.) This one is worth the money and the 2 day trip.

National Cathedral
I could spend forever in this building. The stain-glass is superior to most of what I saw in the UK. I've been in there probably six times and each time it takes my breath away.

American Art/National Portrait Museum
Growing up in Las Vegas, you kind of assume all the good art is in some other country, somewhere in Europe. I instinctively knew this wasn't true. I'd seen mind-blowing art at the BYU Museum of Art on a regular basis and I've been to the Met, yada yada...But there's terrific stuff here and it's a great reminder that you don't have to go overseas to see the good stuff.
Washington Memorial
Haven't actually been up it but it was probably six months before I could go anywhere without staring at it. Pretty magnificent.

Jefferson Memorial
I love the quotes, I love the open airness, the design of the space, the lighting of it at night, and I especially love the near-by paddle boats. They're my favorite thing in DC.

Museums and sites visited during 2010:

Folger Library
Hirshhorn Museum
Newseum
ASU Art Museum
Natural History Museum
National Cathedral
Lincoln Memorial
American History Museum
Jefferson Memorial
WWII Memorial
Washington Memorial
National Gallery
Air and Space Museum
Roosevelt Island
National Building Museum
American Art/National Portrait Museum
FDR Memorial
Phillips Collection
Central Park
Butler’s Orchard
Museum of African Art
Ripley Center
Holocaust Museum

The rest of the year:

TV:

I don't know which makes me laugh more: Chord Overstreet's name or the fact that he ends up shirtless in every episode of Glee.

I watched some Modern Family (Watch all 70 seconds of this clip and DON'T READ THE COMMENTS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VY4qSh3UWIU&feature=player_embedded), which I enjoy, but not enough to start watching regularly. Watched some 30 Rock and don't find it nearly as funny as everybody else does. I continue to watch Glee, then swear it off, offended either by its flexible morality or its increasingly bad writing, but then, like the addict I am, I keep coming back to it. The cast is charming, even if the emphasis on Kurt is irritating and the destruction of Rachel's character is distressing, and the film and lighting have gotten too polished and the writing only cares about selling songs on iTunes...But I just can't stop watching.

Concerts:

Laura Benanti, you're beautiful.

Only went to a handful. The National Symphony's Sondheim concert was a mixed-bag but Maria Friedman's "Send in the Clowns" was something I'll never forget and the same goes for the performance of the Merrily We Roll Along overture was everything I could have dreamed of. Also, Laura Benanti's solo concert: Laura Benanti's "Songs-I-Want-To-Sing-But-Never-Could-Legitimately" medley (including "Single Ladies," "Ol' Man River" and "Proud Mary") along with her singing "Children Will Listen" with her mother were joy-inducing in all of the best ways.

So, that's that. It was a good arts year, particularly in the book department. Now that I've spent over two whole evenings working on this, comment on it or something.

Noel, Noel, We Sing...

2010-12-19T18:49:00.000-08:00

Sing we now of Christmas
Sing we all Noel
Of our Lord and Savior
We the tidings tell...
(Traditional French carol)

Nothing profound in this post. Pretty commonplace. When people ask me about holiday traditions, I usually respond with "nothing really special" or maybe I'll mention the fact that my sister and I STILL play a game Christmas morning before going downstairs to give Dad a little bit more time to sleep. But, tonight, I realized what the big tradition for me is: Singing.

It's been going on for as long as I can remember. My first show, when I was eight-years-old was a community theatre production of "Babes in Toyland." Two years later? "Christmas Carol." Not to mention, "Snoopy" and "Meet Me in St. Louis." Those were all the shows with Christmas scenes/themes. There were tons of other plays performed in December that were completely unrelated and didn't really add to the Christmas spirit. But still, four Christmasy shows before I was done with high school.

But it's the singing that makes it Christmas. Singing in casinos, people's homes, firesides, sacrament meetings, rest homes, schools, Boys and Girl Clubs, concert halls, the MTC, street corners, door-to-door, classroom to classroom, at various Sister Hall Christmas Present events, General Authority Christmas parties...Even on my mission, we were singing carols on doorsteps, on corners, heck, I even played Joseph in a Nativity pageant (as a missionary!). Also, as a missionary, I played piano at ward Christmas parties and my second year we spent Christmas Eve playing chimes in a member family's home.

It wasn't just the habit of it. There is something really, really special to me about the experience of singing that music. And preparing it. And racing to the gig to sing it. It all feels very right.

BYUtv - In Performance: Carols of Joy: A Celebration of Christmas

Last year, I only had one Christmas gig: Singing in a solo in a home-presented recital. I had plenty of performances that month. I was in a successful run of Joseph early December. But Joseph didn't really do it. It wasn't what I was used to, or, at this point, programmed to need. I knew the lack of service, which had become such an important part of my celebration, was part of the reason I felt lacking. But still, so much of what was lacking was in the fact that I'm used to singing LOTS during the month of December.

This year was considerably better. Had four institute choir gigs and two ward choir gigs. So, it's not much. My senior year I had eight gigs in three days (let alone the rest of the month.) But still, six is better than two. And there have been Messiah sing-a-longs and Christmas caroling in friends homes. And while it doesn't feel completely like the good ol' days, it's a lot closer.

I miss singing a lot. I miss singing "Who is He" in countless sacrament meetings. I miss racing from gig to gig, parking lot to parking lot to sing. Nothing invites the Spirit into my life more. But, what I've got now? Singing in a couple of decorate chapels? It works for now. I'm grateful for it and confident that more is coming.

BYUtv - In Performance: The Sounds of Christmas

thanks and stuff

2010-11-20T22:39:00.000-08:00

In a city of strangers
I've got a family of friends
No matter what rocks and brambles fill the way,
I know they will stay until the end.
I feel a hand holding my hand.
It's not a hand you can see.
But on the road to the promised land,
This hand will shepherd me,
Through delight and despair,
Holding tight and always there.

(Grateful by John Bucchino)

My lack of capitlization in the title of this entry would infuriate my supervisor. She'd look at it and tell me that I'm not e.e. cummings. Alright, so, technically the last post WASN'T a list. It was just an embedded link but I stayed true to my word and did a post that wasn't list style. So, with that said, here's a list. A list of things for which I am grateful. This is obviously not all encompassing. It's now 15 items longer than I intended. I had to stop somewhere:

1.) Arlington, Virginia. It's been good to me.
2.) Pilgrim's Journey Home finally being broadcast.
3.) The way that broadcast has caused something of a reunion between me and my Men's Chorus brothers. Texts, phone calls, visits, Facebook messages...it's like the last year and a half never happened.
4.) Friends who know everything about me and love me anyway. These friends might not understand everything but they sure put forth the energy to try to.
5.) The work I've had since moving to DC. It's all been great.
6.) The people I work with in DC. Really? The kindest, most energetic and creative people all across the board.
7.) The fact that there are people I work with who I can laugh inappropriately with and have early morning dance parties.
8.) FHE. I know. Many of you know that in my four years at BYU, I went three times. Three. Well, things have changed and I'm now not only faithful but in love with it. I've even been the activity for FHE. You heard me.
9.) Friends who laugh with me and dance with me in parking lots and sing with me in strange octaves irritating all who can hear us. OK, so, this is all just one friend. Not friends. Heh.
10.) The fact that I don't have a car. I recently realized that 99.9% of the friends I've made this year I've made by needing rides to functions. If I had a car, I would have no friends. And I've made some DANG GOOD friends through those car rides.
11.) Some of the conversations I've had in those car rides. Amazing.
12.) The way moving to DC has pushed me and stretched me in ways I could have only dreamed of.
13.) The fact that I'm going to Disneyland for two days next week.
14.) The show I'm assistant directing at Signature. From the first time I read the script, I knew I wanted to be a part of it. Those of you who did theatre with me in college will not be surprised in the least to hear that David Z is working on another show about communication barriers/learning to listen/open up, etc. I'm in love with this show.
15.) Memories that get me through the days where I don't think I have the strength to be pushed and stretched anymore..."We've proved Him in days that are past..."
16.) People who listen. Some show they've listened by going out and doing something for me, some show it by looking me in the eyes and communicating a lifetime of thoughts and feelings. It's cool to be listened to.
17.) Having supervisors who trust me and treat me as a competent professional and not as a kid who just finished school.
18.) The many kids I've taught this year. During the year 2010 I've taught well over 500 students and most of them have been a delight.
19.) That day when I suddenly "got" the Metro and it wasn't stressful anymore.
20.) Books by Jeffrey R. Holland.
21.) Everything Thornton Wilder ever wrote.
22.) Institute choir. And, again, the rides to and from institute.
23.) Days when I feel like I'm a good listener. They're far and few between but when they happen I'm so, so, so grateful for them.
24.) Days when spirituality totally falls into alignment and I know who I am and Who I pray to and who I can become and how to become that person.
25.) Good music. There's so much of it out there it's overwhelming.
26.) Rainbow Company. I owe my career to them.
27.) That one time when we sat in the second row and watched Bernadette Peters freaking kill that show.
28.) Movie nights.
29.) Facebook. I know, I know...this seems silly...but, really, I've had some good discussions on there/through there lately...
30.) Your success. It really does elate me to see you get what you want. You deserve it more than anyone I know.
31.) Stephen Torrence
32.) Family that continues to give their all to make sure I survive.
33.) Dress up days at work during the summer. Cowboy day was basically my favorite thing ever.
34.) People who know my name.
35.) And lest we think, I've had some major transformation or something, I, of course, need to mention that I continue to be grateful for Stephen Sondheim.

About a month ago, I was sitting in the Temple and I looked around the room and got fairly overwhelmed. "What in the world did I ever do to deserve to know such amazing people?" I really do know the best people on the planet. Heroes, angels, examples, role models...I am consistently surrounded by the most knowledgeable and charitable people on the planet and all I can do is sit in awe of you. "Somewhere in my youth or childhood/I must have done something good." Thanks again. You blow me away.

The Pilgrim's Journey Home

2010-11-16T20:28:00.000-08:00

Watch this. Take an hour and watch this now.

A New Life: Apologies

2010-10-12T21:16:00.001-07:00

"But I just can't change me.
I need your Grace, Lord.
Please, provide."
(Gethsemane by Kenneth Cope.)

Ugh, another list post. I know. I'm sorry. The next one won't be.

Anyway, I owe you an apology.

-I'm sorry that I'm incapable of opening up to you or virtually anybody else. It's nothing personal. I just don't know how.

-I'm sorry if I've ever pushed you to watch, hear, or do something that either bored you or made uncomfortable.

-I'm sorry for losing my patience and taking over the project completely.

-I'm sorry about those nights when I've been the depressing one.

-I'm sorry if I've made you feel stupid.

-I'm sorry I judged you by your major in college. That was extremely hypocritical of me.

-I'm sorry if you were counting on me to do something and I bailed.

-I'm sorry for all those months of home teaching I've missed.

-I'm sorry for ignoring your texts.

-I'm sorry for convincing you that I'm really good at _______ when, in reality, I'm just kind of OK.

-I'm sorry for rolling my eyes at you.

-I'm sorry for arguing with you at the doorstep. Been home four years now and it still plagues me.

-I'm sorry I'm not going to be famous. I know you really, really want me to be. And there are moments everyday where I want to be too. But, you know.

-I'm sorry that you just happen to be the one person I'm comfortable opening up to. You've had way too much placed on your shoulders.

-I'm sorry I can be so insanely critical of other people around you. I know you hate that.

-I'm sorry if I've lied to you (truth: I probably have.)

-I'm sorry if I've gone against my own teachings.

-I'm sorry that I was too much of a snob to ever be your friend.

-I'm sorry to virtually all of my Sunday school teachers growing up. We drove so many away and it eats at me.

-I'm sorry to all of my many friends who've left the Church. I didn't do enough to keep you in.

-I'm sorry I get so red-faced and quiet whenever you try to discuss politics.

-I'm sorry for always having to bug you for rides. Trust me, it kills me. It's embarrassing to have to be dependent like that.

-I'm sorry you think I hate you. I really don't. In all honesty, I'm in awe of you.

-I'm sorry I don't tell you how much I love you. I think you know it but it's kind of jerkish of me to just assume you know. But, really, you're my hero.

-I'm sorry if it seems like I only ever call you when I need something.

-I'm sorry I get so angry when you try to place systems and restrictions on me. I'm working on it.

-I'm sorry if you're a student of mine and I've said something derogatory to you. You're just a kid. What's wrong with me?

-I'm sorry I don't have the courage yet to discuss this with you personally. Maybe soon? Please?

-And especially: I'm sorry if I've ever treated you a like a business transaction instead of like a person, like a human being, like a child of God. Funny thing - you actually DON'T exist to make my life perfect, easy, and without challenge. And I intuitively know that. Too bad my actions have said otherwise.

But know that I'm trying. I've been trying so hard it hurts. Moving to DC has been incredibly freeing for me in that way - I'm kind of in shock over what improvement I've been able to make - but I still have so long to go. Help me out, please?

Let Me Be Selfish For a Minute

2010-08-22T19:15:00.001-07:00

More is better than nothing, true
But nothing's better than more, more, more.
Nothing's better than more.
(From Dick Tracy by Stephen Sondheim.)

Things I Need (in no particular order)
1.) More Sondheim. Preferably performed live by Bernadette Peters. Preferably with me in the second row for only $27. Like yesterday. But mostly, I need more Sondheim.

2.) More in-depth, profound conversation, more satisfying friendship. "They dreamed of one of those long conversations that one never has on earth, but which one projects so easily at midnight, alone and wise..." (The Cabala, Thornton Wilder.)

3.) More jobs.

4.) More money.

5.) "More purpose" in my life.

6.) More time.

7.) More motivation and concentration.

8.) More people to inspire me with their examples. I've already got plenty but I could always use more.

9.) More empathy for others. This was something I used to have down naturally but now, as I've lamented before, all I can talk about is structuralism.

10.) More days where I can go to bed thinking, "Wow. I'm proud of that."

Things I Don't Need (in no particular order);
1.) More people telling me they've met the perfect girl for me in their ward.

2.) More people refusing to give me the experience I need to get even the most menial jobs because I don't have the experience and...vicious cycle.

3.) More time on the Metro.

4.) More vapid conversation.

5.) More pages in the current book I'm reading...because I don't think I'm ever going to finish it and I don't really like it.

6.) More days where I'm having to call and text everyone I know for a ride to some church function.

7.) More days where I doubt what I'm doing with my life.

8.) More people mistaking me for a student when I do outreach work at high schools.

9.) More people transitioning their way out of DC. Seriously, we're up to like 6 people in the last two weeks. Stop it.

10.) More selfish and self-indulgent impulses...like the ones driving this entire blog entry.

Hey There, Stranger...

2010-08-15T15:58:00.000-07:00

This world looks vaguely strange to me -
No surprise -
Cause I've been told the reverse is also true
From Hudson Bay down to Tierra del Fuego
Among the fools or the wise
I am a stranger everywhere.
("Stranger Everywhere" by Shane Jackman.)

My freshman year at BYU, I was unable to commit to Men's Chorus because I couldn't attend the Monday rehearsals due to a pre-major class I was adamant about completing before my mission (this was during the days of such things as pre-major classes in the theatre program.) But, I was adamant about keeping the choral experience part of my experience, so I enrolled in University Chorale. For those of you unfamiliar with the BYU choral department, there are four audition choirs, and two sections of University Chorale. Chorale is a very, very large non-audition group. They only perform about five pieces a semester. There are varying degrees of talent in there. It's not unlike singing in a three hundred person ward choir.

I sometimes hated going, sometimes loved it. Today I'm going to tell you about one time that I loved very much. A time that continues to impact me on a daily basis and that is occasionally the only reason I don't just stay in bed forever.

Joseph Hoffman and Nathan Wright were the directors that year. I love both dearly. They're both wonderful musicians and truly spectacular men. Anyway, this particular semester, Joseph was the main conductor and we were working on Mack Wilberg's, "My Shepherd Will Supply My Need."

Joseph did a little bit of monologuing one day in rehearsal. Seven years later, I can quote it almost verbatim. He talked about feeling homeless. You move away to college and you're no longer at home and you're with a roommate that you want to love but you can't...You feel homeless. You go home to visit over Thanksgiving though and that's not really home anymore either. Then, you go on a mission, where you're practically literally homeless for two years. Then you come home and you don't really fit in anymore because nobody can really relate to the two years you just experienced. You feel out of place and homeless. No matter where you go, college, back home, that sense of comfort you knew as a child seems to be gone. It seems that there's no way you're ever going to feel anything but homeless again.

He then implied that some of us might feel homeless for a very, very long time. He implied that gently and without any morbidity because he's Joseph Hoffman and that's just his style.

But, then, came the promise. He turned to the text of this old American folk hymn, a poetic translation of the 23rd psalm. He turned to the last verse of the hymn:

The provisions of my God
Attend me all my days.
Oh, may my house
Be Thine abode
And all my work be praise.
There would I find a settled Rest
While others go and come.
No more a stranger,
Nor a guest,
But like a child at Home.

And then that last phrase is repeated one more time:

No more a stranger,
Nor a guest,
But like a child at Home.

You see that? You see how beautiful that is? Someday, if I stick to all of this, I won't feel homeless anymore. Cause let's be honest, in one way or another, I've felt a little out of place everywhere I'm at. I'm too this for that group, too that for this group...you know? My life is so remarkably temporary: a new job every couple of weeks, friends pouring in and out through the revolving door (to paraphrase Sondheim), living in a new place every couple of months...There's been absolutely no sense of permanence in my life. Add to that the overwhelmingness of growin up: I've struggled to accept that the days of falling asleep in the backseat of the car are over, to paraphrase Charlie Brown.

There have been glimpses of what that Home'll be like: a redemptive conversation with a friend, a spiritual performance, a meaningful prayer or hour of Temple service. But they've all been fleeting.

But someday, someday, my friend, maybe not in this life (most likely not in this life), I'll have permanence. I won't feel like a stranger at work. I won't feel like a guest in my own home. I'll be like a Child at home. Sitting on the floor by the fireplace, learning from my Father. True quality family time. And really, when you get down to it, that's why I do what I do. Because of that promise of permanence. That promise of familiarity and comfort and of releasing all the anxiety...and permanence. I keep going back to that idea. Not stagnancy. I'm a firm believer in eternal progression. But permanence. I'm having a hard time articulating the difference. Somebody go ahead and make the distinction for me.

I can't wait.

Birthday Parties and Camp Fire Readings

2010-08-08T17:45:00.000-07:00

Late nights,
Quick bites,
Party games,
Deep talks,
Long walks,
Telephone calls,
Thoughts shared,
Souls bared,
Private names,
All those
Photos
Up on the wall...
"With love..."
(From Company by Stephen Sondheim and George Furth)

Fifth in a series recounting significant experiences during David's time at BYU. For the earlier installments,please see one, two, three, and four.

So. In recent blogs, I've discussed how little time for a life I had at BYU. Lest you think I only did work, I'd like to propose a toast to my senior year.

Here's To:
1.) Birthday parties where the cake served as the primary entertainment. There were also games involving Clotile screaming and splashing water on other people and people making fun of religious paintings hanging in my kitchen.

2.) The ultimate movie night: Gremlins.

3.) Having play readings of really, really awful plays over a campfire. Especially appreciated was the decision to burn the pages as we finished them to avoid copyright infringement issues.

4.) Eating at Brick Oven after closing.

5.) Roommates cackling over papers I was grading with me.

6.) Obama parties.

7.) Dinners at the Cannon Center.

8.) Ending up at the music slab mid-conversation and making the music people really, really uncomfortable.

9.) Facebook stalking complete strangers as a group.

10.) Penny Royale at 2 AM for play development discussions that defy description.

11.) Game nights.

12.) The BYU 84th Ward Barbershop Quartet.

13.) Cackling over the disgusting "scripture reading" habits that took place on my couch.

14.) Sunday night jam sessions.

15.) Gelato Tuesdays (not always on Tuesday.)

16.) Tony Award parties. (Highlight: Watching "Rock of Ages" and mumbling, "Wow, 9 to 5 must be really bad...)

17.) Visiting friends in their offices when I should be in voice lessons.

18.) Dragging friends to drop in on awkward birthday parties where, like the rude people we are, we grabbed our pizza and left.

19.) Goodbye parties with no food but more laughter than I could ever handle without becoming sick.

20.) Post-concert dinners at IHOP (I'm so glad that became the tradition, replacing that stupid Hogi Yogi tradition.)

It was a good year. Guess I did have a life after all. My senior year of high school was less than stellar. Thanks for overcompensating and making my senior year of college really, really awesome. Recognition for how much I loved that year is more than a year late now but know that I really did love it a lot. I miss you all.

The Change Continues: A Confession.

2010-07-25T21:20:00.000-07:00

You've got to be carefully taught.

(From South Pacific by Richard Rogers and Oscar Hammerstein.)

In no particular order:

Mary Greene. Mr. Crow. Mrs. Bond. Mr. Johnston. Amy Roberge. Debbie Grant. Michael Kerschner. Alyson Geary. Karen McKenney. Kris Shepherd. J Neal. Toni Molloy-Tudor. Dean Duncan. J Spencer Fluhman. Rosalind Hall. Joseph Hoffman. Nathan Wright. Wade Hollingshaus. Rodger Sorensen. Stephanie Breinholt. Audrey Tassinari. Gary Oswald. Brian Kral. Jaren Hinckley.

All of these people have one major thing in common. Any guesses? Some of you probably figured it out by the fourth or fifth name.

They're all teachers. People with formal teaching positions, be it in a school or a Church setting. But more importantly, they're teachers who have had a supreme impact on the way I see the world. Some, like Ms. Greene, Mr. Crow, Ms. Roberge, Ms. Grant, Rodger Sorensen, and the entire staff at Rainbow, cultivated and honed my creativity. Some, like the Rainbow staff, Michael Kerschner, Rosalind Hall, Nathan Wright taught me strong technique and discipline. Some, in particular Dean Duncan, Wade Hollingshaus, Brother Fluhman, Sister Hall, and again the staff at Rainbow, changed the way I see the world, the way I read it. Some, like Stephanie Breinholt, Sister Tassinari, Brother Oswald, Rodger Sorensen, Joseph Hoffman, Dean Duncan, Brother Fluhman (you seeing all the overlapping occurring here?), taught me in ways I can't describe that the Gospel is overwhelmingly relevant in my life, and there is indeed a place for somebody like me in God's plan. Some, like Dean and Br. Hinckley, gave me so much art to expose myself to, I'll be working through their recommendations for the rest of my life. Others, like Stephanie, Ms. Geary, the Rainbow staff - they taught me a great deal about my own self-worth as an artist and as a human being.

(I should note here, I'm only mentioning teachers who have a formal responsibility as a teacher. There have been countless friends who have and continue to teach me lesson that blow my mind away with their greatness.)

In part, I'm talking about the fact that I am very much the person I am today because these teachers took the time to form me. Some, like Dean, Joseph Hoffman, and Br. Fluhman, will never know my name. But those three in particular, saved me in ways I could never begin to describe.

But gratitude for teachers is only a small part of what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about something that's a little hard for me to admit. Very hard.

Stupid stigma. There's an old adage, you've probably heard it before. It says, "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach." That attitude has nagged at me for years and years and years, particularly over the last four years as I've worked as a teacher. But, teaching was always supposed to be a stepping stone. At least, that's what I said out loud. But what if teaching isn't the journey, it's the destination? Definitely a possibility. But I gotta say, my pride is having a really hard time admitting that. Devoting myself to teaching, I know that there are plenty of people in the field who are going to look at me as a second-rate theatre artist. Which is unfortunate because I'm pretty sure I know what I'm doing.

In my children's media class, Dean said one night, (paraphrasing here), "You don't teach a child to write so they can become a writer. You teach them to write so that they can learn to express themselves and to learn to empathize with others and to appreciate the expression of others." He said that education should never be about careerism, that children shouldn't be turned into careerists. This rang to me to be complete and total truth. And off and on for four years now, I've had opportunities to help students learn to express themselves, to think for themselves, to be disciplined, to listen and to concentrate, to learn who they are individually. And mixed in with all of those life-lessony kinds of things, you teach them craft. And while I will be the first to admit that I have a lot to learn as a teacher (I'm not trained in education, it's just what life keeps throwing at me), I think, all things considered, I'm pretty good. The other day when I was teaching seven-year-olds what motivation was, or a few months ago, when I was teaching high school actors to decide early on what they stood for and who they were...It all felt really right.

Now. I don't think this means throwing directing out the door. Or honing my slightly-abandoned acting skills. The best educators are the ones who never stop learning. I hope to continue to take classes, continue to read the best books (recommended by Dean), watch the best films (recommended by Dean), watch the best theatre, and listen to the best music (recommended by Br. Hinckley.) I hope to continue to work in production. Because I think if I isolate myself as an educator only, I'll slip into some kind of theoretical/pedagogical trap that's unrelated to reality. But, in the meantime, I'm looking for teaching gigs. I don't think the public school system is right for me. But work as a teaching artist and maybe, eventually, a university professor - that feels right.

Anyone who talks to me about teaching for more than a couple of seconds, knows that I have a tendency to fall in love with my students. That love was the answer for me. You go where the love is, you know? Anyway, thanks teachers. I want to be you.

"And if the talent I have

Is for nurturing talent

Then succeed or fail

I will see they sail

First-class."
(From Road Show by Stephen Sondheim and John Weidman)

A New Life...Harder Than It Looks.

2010-06-20T18:55:00.000-07:00

Here's how to crawl,
Now, run, lady!
Here's how to walk.
Now fly!
Here's how to feel-Have fun, lady.
And a fond goodbye!
Reach out your hand
And see what it gets you.
See what it gets you.
See what it gets you!
Trouble is, whatever it gets,
You find
That once you see, you can't stay blind.
(From Anyone Can Whistle by Stephen Sondheim and Arthur Laurents)

A few quotes to start us off:

Let people repent. Let people grow. Believe that people can change and improve. Is that faith? Yes! Is that hope? Yes! Is it charity? Yes! Above all, it is charity, the pure love of Christ. If something is buried in the past, leave it buried. Don’t keep going back with your little sand pail and beach shovel to dig it up, wave it around, and then throw it at someone, saying, “Hey! Do you remember this?” Splat!

Well, guess what? That is probably going to result in some ugly morsel being dug up out of your landfill with the reply, “Yeah, I remember it. Do you remember this?” Splat.

And soon enough everyone comes out of that exchange dirty and muddy and unhappy and hurt, when what God, our Father in Heaven, pleads for is cleanliness and kindness and happiness and healing.

Such dwelling on past lives, including past mistakes, is just not right! It is not the gospel of Jesus Christ.

("Remember Lot's Wife," Jeffrey R. Holland)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have often joked (darkly, and among friends only) that when wandering sheep stray from the fold, Mormons don’t go looking for them. What happens is: somebody climbs up on a really tall tower, takes out a high-powered rifle, gets the poor straying soul in the cross-hairs, and then blows his wandering brain out.

(Richard Dutcher, as quoted in the Dutchergate coverage by Eric D. Snider.)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alright. Let's make something clear. I'm not straying from the Church. Far from it. I am just as committed, if not more committed, as I've ever been. However, within this two quotes is something I've been thinking about for a while.

Short version: We like to damn people. We like to damn people a lot. (Long version follows:)

No, no, no, this isn't a specifically Mormoncentric issue. (Sorry, Richard. It's not just Mormons. It's everybody.) Everyone. We don't like people changing. We love to hear inspiring stories after the fact. We love to hear about how somebody was addicted to cocaine, then met the missionaries, and now, five years later, is a bishop. But we don't want to be there to witness the transformation. We want to be there after the change has happened. Or, if we are going to be witnessing the transformation from beast to beauty, we want Michael McLean music to be playing during it.

But, when we're there to witness somebody's change, what happens? My experience says that we do our best to stop the change from happening. We drench them with so much doubt that they drown before they can actually change.

Example: First year back from my mission. For a wide variety of reasons, I struggled a lot when I first got back. And while some tried to help me get back on my two feet, tried to be my friend, I had one friend in particular who refused to let me get back up. I remember one night he told me my role was to be the depressed friend. Another night, when I had had a particularly good evening and was in a markedly good mood, he told me that I wasn't supposed to be that happy. What in the world would possess somebody to say something like that? If comments like those were supposed to get me out of my slump, they failed miserably.

We all have a past, personal struggles, etc. . We've all done things we regret. We all would rather forget some things. We'd all rather be better than we are. So, can we help each other out a little bit here? Can we get off the tower, put the gun down, and save each other? Can we stop expecting that the drug addict is going to return to the drugs? Can we admire the search for truth even when it is a little misguided? Can we let someone who's had a few unhappy days be happy?

Louis, in States of Grace (which I realize I'm quoting nearly every entry now), said it best. "Now, Jesus forgive you seventy times seven. But those folks in Kentucky, they only forgive you once." IT SHOULD NOT BE THIS WAY.

I'm not even necessarily talking of pasts involving some grievous sins. I'm just talking about the fact that we're all wanting to improve but too often we're stopped by the doubts of others. They've seen our shortcomings in the past and they aren't about to let us forget those shortcomings. Again, "Let people grow."

Obviously, there are changes that people try to make in their lives that are not positive, that are flat out wrong and unhealthy. I'm not talking about those kinds of changes. What I'm talking about is when somebody is moving onto the right track, but their community is convinced they aren't capable of getting onto that track or staying on it. They are capable. And so am I.

Isn't It Nice To Know A Lot? (A Follow-Up to My Last Post)

2010-06-06T19:03:00.000-07:00

"I don't know how it is for you, but though the reveries, the special moments come, they are not extended. Soon the drumroll of events, even difficulties, resumes. There is so much to get done in the brief time we have in this mortal classroom...Even so...We stay in the classroom until school is out, and there appears to be 'none other way.'"
("Called to Serve," by Neal A. Maxwell)

Things I've learned or are in the process of learning since arriving to D.C. a little over 5 months ago:

1.) People who live on the West Coast have some knowledge and interest about the East Coast. People who have only lived on the East not only have no interest in the West Coast, THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW IT EXISTS.

2.) People don't handle snow well in places like D.C. And by places like, I mean, D.C. specifically doesn't handle snow well.

3.) The theatre scene here is full of lots of cool stuff and lots of really friendly people.

4.) Apparently, the reason the Chinatown buses to and from New York have their ports in Chinatown is because back in the day the buses used to drop Asian immigrants off there so they'd be close to Asian food. So an Asian(ish) coworker tells me.

5.) Being an intern is very, very common in the DC area. So common that people look down on you for it. You're like a virus in the eyes of most people. A virus that does all of your dirty work for you for free... (In a completely unrelated topic, does anybody remember how Elaine Page referred to Susan Boyle as a viru s? My favorite.)

6.) You eventually reach a point where "Foggy Bottom" isn't an unusual phrase.

7.) The Kennedy Center's ushers are instructed to be verbally abusive to everyone they greet. Three times I've been there and witnessed it. Add the experiences I've heard second-hand to this and I'm convinced they're only allowed to be rude and condescending.

8.) Also, as Matthew was so kind to out, the Kennedy Center looks like an air hanger.

9.) The gas station by the Kennedy Center charges $4.25. How this is legal is NOT something I've learned yet.

10.) I had learned about the rules of escalators when living in London. I have since learned that people who don't obey said rules deserve to be thrown under the next incoming train.

---
And now, some more serious things I've learned and things that I'm currently learning.

1.) Gossip is not cool. Some of you know my trash talking past. What can I say? My new life is teaching me how awful it really is. I seriously almost punched someone in the face for a conversation I overheard tonight. I regret that I ignored it.

2.) Few, if any, people on this planet want pity. They want love, affection, friendship. They don't want pity. Excesses of pity = depleted dignity.

3.) A good cause unites strangers faster than anything on this planet.

4.) Depending on others is lame. But, there are amazing people out there who are willing to be leaned on without complaining. Those types of people make dependency much much easier.

5.) Honesty is the best and hardest policy.

6.) Prayers are answered. I've learned this one before, again and again and again, but I'm really blown away by how blatantly some prayers are answered.

7.) There is so much more to this life than career. As important as career might be. That being said, it is also very, very possible to be a careerist and a believer. Thank heaven.

8.) There are amazing people out there who somehow have the ability to love like Christ does. Unconditionally. This is honestly something I don't know if I fully knew until I got out here. In a similar vein, there are people who might not understand like Christ does, but sure do try to. This is something I did know but the combination of understanding and love wasn't fully manifest until pretty recently.

9.) Having confidence makes you so much more lovable. The people that will remember you will be the ones that you're most confident and aggressive with. (Confidence, as you know, dear reader, is not to be confused with arrogance.)

10.) I've been reminded during moments of contemplation that "enduring it well" and "enduring it" are not the same thing at all. It's too easy to say a couple of prayers, feel that they aren't being answered the way you want them to, and just say, "Oh, well. Guess that's the way it is. Moving on." That is not enduring it well! Too often, we're confronted with a problem and shruggingly say, "Well, I guess I'll let that sit there for the rest of my life while I continue to work on other things." I won't get into all the details here and now but let's just say I'm learning, finally after years, that while the realities of our fallen world might not change in this life, that Grace goes a long way, and that, as Elder Maxwell so often taught, shoulder shrugging is NOT enduring it well. Prayer, action, honesty, dependency on loved ones and on Jesus...it's all connected.

Anyway, number 10 there isn't going to be delved into anymore than it has been at this point, because I'm starting to sense it deserves its own entry. I'm learning stuff. Which is cool. Who would have guessed that moving across the country would teach me all of that?

My New Life.

2010-05-16T19:05:00.000-07:00

I am changing
Trying every way I can
I am changing
I'll be better than I am
But I need a friend
To help me start all over again
That would be just fine...

(From Dreamgirls by Henry Krieger and Tom Eyen.)

You know what's crazy? Change is crazy. The ability to adapt to change is crazy. Change in general = crazy.

Last month, I was at a celebrity filled gala. My boss turns to me and we have this little exchange.

Boss: A year ago, when you were in Wyoming-

Me: Utah-

Boss: Utah, could you, in your wildest dreams have imagined you'd be here a year later?

Me: No.

(Editor's note: Boss is fully aware of where I went to college. He just teases incessantly.)

And I was being honest. There's no way I could have ever imagined that out of all the theatres I applied to in this country, I'd end up being turned down by the lesser known ones and being accepted by one of the hottest theatres in the country, yea, even the 2009 Tony Award winner for Regional Theatres. And who would have guessed I would have adjusted as well as I have? It's truth. I'm still nervous around pretty much everyone in the theatre world. I feel like a total country bumpkin around any and all of them. But, even with my awkwardness, I'm earning respect among colleagues, making great connections, and falling in love with this city and its theatre community.

I've learned a lot about theatre. But not the things you'd expect. While I continue to learn more and more about artistry and particularly about teaching, the greatest lessons have come from the development department. I've learned so much about development and marketing, I can't even tell you. And those aren't even the departments I work in. (I've also learned a ton about how AEA works and casting, etc...)

But the biggest changes in my life have nothing to do with my work. The biggest changes have come socially. In college, I really only spent time with the people I worked with. I'd go to class, rehearsals, shows, and then hang out with the people I'd spent all day with in class, rehearsals, and shows. It's been a complete turnaround for me socially. Since coming to DC, my hanging out time with arts folk has become completely non-existent.

Now, I need to make something very clear. I love theatre people. I love music people. I love the people who I work with. This is in no way meant to be disparaging against the arts people that I spent every waking moment with in college (and in high school) (and in junior high.) With that disclaimer made, let me continue now, confident that you still feel my love:

Instead of hanging out with the types I've been accustomed to hanging out with, I've been hanging out with lawyers and would-be lawyers, teachers, interns, government workers, students, and IT folk. The benefits here cannot be denied. Again, when I have opportunity to hang out with the theatre/music crowd, I do. But, hanging out with not-those-types has stretched me in ways I can't fully explain. Having only really ever spoken to people just like me, I've had to learn brand new communication skills. I've learned that non-arts people are capable of intelligent conversation (the snobism in that sentence is only mildly exaggerated.)

But most importantly, I've finally become a non-hypocrite. For years now, I've been saying that the best way to become an artist is not through schools or classes, but by having a life. If you don't have a life to draw from, how in the world can you create art that isn't self-indulgent? That reflects the realities of this world? I stand by that pretty strongly. Being a workaholic creates good technique, but it's more than likely to be nothing more than technique and theory.

The problem with that philosophy is I can't say that I ever REALLY had a life. Yeah, we'd grab IHOP after a concert or cram in a movie night after a rehearsal. But, it was always crammed. It was always about squeezing in the "having a life" bit into whatever time was left after work/rehearsal/performance/homework/callings (which was not much time.) Now, the gap between life and work is fairly huge. And I love it. I go to work, work hard, when the project allows it, I work passionately, and I go home. Yesterday, I had a full Saturday for pleasure. I went to the Temple, went to a barbecue, went and did the paddle boats on the tidal basin, hung out with a new friend, and had amazing food with a table of people I barely knew but was already on the way to loving. And I loved it. Am I completely successful into adapting into this new way of life? No. I say stupid things I regret. But I'm working on it.

This is not to say that I'm not still willing to put in the 17 hour work days when the load demands it. I love to work. This is not to say that I'm opposed to hanging out with the people I work with. All I'm saying is that suddenly I have a little tiny bit of a life and it makes me happy. Very.

If you'd told me a year ago that I'd be in the same room as Sondheim, Angela Lansbury, Victor Garber, and Marin Mazzie, I would have gotten so excited I would have nearly passed out. If you'd told me, that my entire way of living would change, that I'd be having days like yesterday, or car rides to institute like I've been having, I would have told you you were crazy. But change is crazy. Change = crazy.

You're Cool. Yes, You.

2010-05-02T18:13:00.001-07:00

Here and now
When the fire goes out
And it keeps you from singing.
When sad and grey
Seem to steal away
All joy and all meaning.
When you’re broken in two
When your heart says,
“You’re through.”
Come alive
You’re still your Father’s child.

("Your Father's Child" by Kenneth Cope.)

There's a basic truth that I consistently come back to. Every time I'm reminded of it, I seem to be learning it anew (just read my mission journals [which will be published and studied in universities when I'm dead] for proof.) And every time I receive those reminders, I'm shocked that I'd managed to lose sight of this basic, but incredible, truth again.

People are cool.

That's it. That's all there is to it. Humanity is amazing, people are cool. People are cool because they're all literal children of Heavenly Parents. And every one of those people was born with some serious light inside of them. And the truth of the matter is, if you spend some time with anybody, and I mean ANYBODY, you're gonna see that light in their eyes, hear that exclamation in their voice, see that action, feel that moment, that says, "There's still some light in them." As Elder Farrell says in States of Grace, "He loves you just as much as He did when you were a baby. You can never do anything... not anything... that would make Him stop loving you." They might not make some choices that you can't agree with, but let's be honest, you did something today that goes against your own moral codes, didn't you? Give em a break. Nothing can stop God from loving them, so why are you cutting them off?

People are cool. Very cool. Listen to what they have to say. Don't be listening so you can jump in and preach at the appropriate moment (although don't hold yourself back when you must say something.) Just listen because people are cool and they have lots to offer. They still have that light in them. It might be dimmer than it once was, you may have to wade through some murky waters to find it, but it's still there. You'll be amazed to find that the person you were ready to condemn to hell for whatever action they're making that isn't in alignment with God's plan is getting a tremendous amount right. I am surrounded by people who make decisions I can't fully understand. But they've got charity and that's what prophets and apostles and Christ himself have all said is most important. They're still their Father's child. They have so much to offer to this world. You do too. And that's cool. Very cool.

Movie Night

2010-03-21T14:59:00.000-07:00

Fourth in a series recounting significant experiences during David's time at BYU. For the earlier installments, please see one, two, and three.

Feed the plot to the fish;
Life is not what the movies make it seem.
Still, we've got Dorothy Gish-
We can lean back
And settle for the dream.
(In the Movies from Saturday Night by Stephen Sondheim and Julius J. Epstein)

No exploration of my time at BYU would be complete without a look at movie nights. From watching movies on the floor in the dorms, to watching them in bushes near DT, to the eventual near weekly events in apartment living rooms they became...There were A LOT of movie nights for me. The Producers; States of Grace; AI, Finding Nemo; Sunset Boulevard; The Four Feathers; Company; Passion; Sweeney Todd; Ordinary People; You're in Love, Charlie Brown; Camp; Reds; Silent Movie; Waitress; High Anxiety; What's up, Doc?; Little Shop of Horrors; heck, even the straight-to-video Family Guy movie; Elaine Stritch (k, so I know that clip's not from that DVD. Work with me, guys); Across the Universe; Pan's Labrynth; The Muppet Movie; Cars; The Crucible; Sunday in the Park with George; Brigham City; the film version of Sweeney; Dreamgirls...The list goes on and on and on.

Some of my roommates lacked patience for these movie nights. They were generally really, really intense. You don't talk during movies. You can give a, "Oh, interesting" look to another but the rest of your conversation is saved till the credits roll (which you, by the way, must let roll to the end.) Some couldn't fathom the bizarre and eclectic movie selection. I had some roommates who enjoyed joining me and my friends, Matt, Nelson, and Eric all made their appearances. (I remember when I had a group over to watch Waitress; so many people showed up, none of them known by my roommates, that they asked me if I was holding a rehearsal in the living room again when they walked in.) Scott and Jennifer were the constants, but Craig, Tyler, Matthew, Alex, Bryce, and associates all made appearances as well to the movie nights.

Sometimes games were a part of the affair. Food almost always was. But, discussion ALWAYS was a part of movie night. That's what separated ours from the typical movie nights (and what I think alienated some who tried to participate.) Even with a silly Mel Brooks movie, you had to talk about the movie after. With Mel Brooks it was just, "Man, that part of High Anxiety was so funny I almost puked," but with Ordinary People, or Passion, or States of Grace (by my memory's account I have had at least four movie nights devoted to introducing people to that film), you had to discuss it. Personal application, aesthetics of the film, strengths and weaknesses. The movie served only as a discussion starter. The three movies just mentioned led to spectacularly long, profound, and rewarding conversations. We would talk about the movie specifically for a very brief amount of time but the discussions inspired by the movie would often last way past when the honor code said the discussion should be over (Sorry, BYU.)

I miss it. I saw Where the Wild Things Are a few months ago and wanted so badly to dissect it but the company I was with would have been unable to carry the conversation for so long. Recently, I've seen some great films (Taxi Driver, Wings of Desire) and I've read some of the best books there are. But, after being spoiled by discussions about plays with colleagues, movies with friends, and books with anyone that will listen...a part of the experience is missing for me. The nice thing about movie nights in college is I wasn't ever accused of "looking into it too much" or anything like that because everyone I was with understood. You don't work hard analyzing these things. It just kind of happens. I want my movie nights.

(Note: I know this makes me sound like a pretentious snob. Really, we watched some fun ones in there. Juno? Waitress? High Anxiety? Those are as good as comedies come.)

But What I Really Want to Do...(pt. 1)

2010-03-14T19:21:00.000-07:00

"We are proud of the artistic heritage that the Church has brought to us from its earliest beginnings, but the full story of Mormonism has never yet been written nor painted nor sculpted nor spoken. It remains for inspired hearts and talented fingers yet to reveal themselves. They must be faithful, inspired, active Church members to give life and feeling and true perspective to a subject so worthy...

Our writers, our motion picture specialists, with the inspiration of heaven, should tomorrow be able to produce a masterpiece which would live forever. Our own talent, obsessed with dynamism from a worthy goal, could put into such a story life and heartbeats and emotions and love and pathos, drama, suffering, fear, courage..."

-Spencer W. Kimball

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ten years ago, this month, a movie came out that forever changed my world. It's a film that really divides people. There are people who have devoted a tremendous amount of energy towards hating it and then there are people like me who have had and continue to have fairly transcendent reactions to it. I remember when my seminary teacher passed out articles about it, I scoffed. Initially, I laughed, looking at it and thinking it was a joke - some kind of Mormon parody product, like the t-shirts that had found popularity in Mormon culture at the time. But then, I read it. It contained the first reference to "The Gospel Vision of the Arts" I'd ever come across. The film was Richard Dutcher's "God's Army."
Opening weekend, probably opening night, we were there. As we walked into the theatre at the Texas Hotel and Casino, we met friends from our ward exiting the previous showing. They were ecstatic about what they had seen (Truth be told, everyone was ecstatic about this movie initially. It wasn't until years later, when enough Mormons had been told that they were supposed to be offended by it that they were.) I sat there, stunned by what I was watching. This was my story! The Mormon experience! And it was on a big screen. It had fairly good production qualities and the story and dialogue were unlike anything I'd ever seen or heard. Some of my attraction to the project was its novelty, but even at the age of fifteen, I was enamored with its authenticity, its edge, and ultimately its spiritual affirmation. To this date, I still hold Elder Allen's conversion sequence as the penultimate of LDS artistic expression.
I have a fairly specific memory from that evening. Standing in the parking lot, directly under the Texas electric sign, all I could think was, "I have to be a part of this. This is my life's duty. This is what I'm meant to do. I am here to tell the story of my people." The impression it laid on me has never left me.
A lot has changed in the world of Mormon arts since then. LDS Cinema has all but died (not without first producing a small handful of truly stellar films); Dutcher has, quite publicly, left the Church; the bestselling book by an LDS author centers around vampires; and my primary artistic interest in live theatre - an area that already is faced with all kinds of struggles that film doesn't have to deal with. And yet, my passion remains the same. I spend countless hours reading on the history of Mormon arts, I have begun reading all of the winners from the Association of Mormon Letters (news to LDS readers, the good stuff ain't carried by Deseret), and perhaps most importantly, I continue to learn my craft.
I've gotta be honest. There are days when I feel like I'm wasting my time working on these "lesser" projects. I'm ready for the meat. But, times is hard and I've got to time things just right. In the meantime, my dream remains. Not a day goes by when I don't picture that casino sign backdropped against the night sky and wonder when my turn to contribute is going to come.

(Also, to the elder at the MTC who, in his talk, devoted paragraphs to telling us not to behave like the elders in God's Army: Have you served a mission? Those missionaries are gods compared to the real thing.)

(This only begins to scratch the surface of my feelings on this issue. More to follow.)

2009 Media List

2010-01-31T10:14:00.000-08:00

"But, oh what a year

That was a year..."

(From Road Show by Stephen Sondheim and John Weidman)

Alright, guys, here's what I saw, read, heard, and liked last year. This year, I didn't see or hear as much as usual, so I'm going to list everything under the top 5 for each category so you have some kind of a reference point. Please note that I exclude anything that involved anyone I know personally from being a top 5 winner.

Editor's note: After banging my head against the wall for nearly an hour on this unneccessary annual project, I've decided to take a slightly different route for it. I'm not going to name a "#1 Best" of anything. I'll list the five that I liked the most but I won't list them in any particular order. Consider them equal. Sorry, that may be lazy. But lists are kind of silly anyway, aren't they? Look up the favorites, watch them, listen to them, read them and let's chat. Let's have a dialogue.

Theatre:

Firefox

Not a great year for theatre. I only saw 20 pieces of theatre in 2009 which is probably the lowest amount of plays I've seen in one year during the past seven or eight years. That being said, here are the best plays I saw that involved nobody I know (please note that there were shows I saw that were infinitely better than all five of these but for the sake of avoiding bias issues, they've been excluded. If you want to know what they were, talk to me privately:)

Foxfire: This was the only show I saw this year at Utah Shakes and it didn’t disappoint. I’ve posted it about the show’s themes already - the idea of outliving life continues to interest and depress me. The design was generally fantastic and if the casting was odd, it still mostly worked.

The 25th Annual Putnam Spelling Bee: Not my favorite musical in the world (although I see it becoming the must-do musical of the next decade) but it is a fun little romp. The performances at LVLT were mostly very, very strong.

Company: The young graduate student who played Amy has no business wasting her time in graduate school. That girl is made to be a star and is ready to go now. The NY import for Robert was no Raul, but serviceable. The production hit the comedy very, very well.

Aida: It’s no secret that I really don’t like this musical at all. Elton John’s music is incredibly blah, Tim Rice’s lyrics are terribly wordy and unlistenable, the plot is muddy...But Tim Threlfall made some ambitious directing moves here, creating a strong visual metaphor for the production that carried me past the boringness of the writing.

Every Day a Little Death: Cliched, yes, but it was part of my, “Support local writers” phase in Utah and I’m glad I saw it. I didn’t care for the staging of the show but there was clever writing in there and it’s clear the audience very much enjoyed themselves.

Everything else I saw:

Thoroughly Modern Millie (BYU)

Rabbit Hole (BYU)

Rootie (BYU)

Metamorphoses (Nelke)

“Nothing’s Set in Stone/You Can Decide Later” (Zach Kempf’s Mask Club) (BYU)

Macbeth (BYU)

Racine’s Berenice (BYU)

Little Happy Secrets (New Play Project in conjunction with approximately eight thousand other organizations)

The Prettiest Little Girl in Lafayette County (BYU)

Always...Patsy Cline (BYU)

As You Like It (Hale Center Theatre Orem)

Every Day a Little Death (Covey Center)

The Fading Flower (New Play Project and friends...)

The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee (Las Vegas Little Theatre)

Foxfire (Utah Shakespeare Festival)

The Fantasticks (Sundance)

Working (Super Summer Theatre)

Aida (Tuachan)

Company (UNLV)

The Witches (Rainbow Company)

Film:

It was a slightly better film year than theatre year for me. Please note that if I'd seen Fantastic Mr. Fox, it undoubtedly would have made it into my top five. But nobody wanted to watch it with me. Please also note that the LDS Film Festival in 2009 was garbage. Also important: This only refers to films watched IN THEATRE. DVD/Video rentals, etc., don't count for this.

Up: This isn’t even in my top five Pixar films and yet it still managed to make it to my top five films of the year. I don’t care for the talking dogs but man, do I care for everything else here - to the point of tears from beginning to end.

(500) Days of Summer: Perfect? Hardly. It sometimes slips into stylistic silliness. Enjoyable? Very. Depressing? Very. Still really good? Very.

Where the Wild Things Are: Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, Spike Jonze is brilliant. This film moved me to tears and fascinated me beyond belief. Spike Jonze knows how children work. Between this, Up, Coraline, Fantastic Mr. Fox, something tells me 2009 is going down in history as one heck of a year for intelligent children's films.

Nine: I know, I know, the score's been hacked to pieces, and the film is lacking something. BUT, the acting is uniformly fantastic, the production design is brilliant, and the transitions into and out of songs are the best since Mr. Fosse (who Mr. Marshall is channeling here) was alive.

Coraline: Mismarketed as a kid's movie, this is a great film for preteens and teens, and an even greater one for them to watch and talk about with their parents. The animation is mesmerizing and the themes are troubling in their universality.

Everything I saw:

Seven Pounds

Baby Boomerang (LDS Film Festival)

Demographic Winter: Decline of the Human Family (LDS Film Festival)

Dianthe’s Crossing (LDS Film Festival)

Once Upon a Summer (LDS Film Festival)

The Long Look on Life (LDS Film Festival)

Bedtime Stories

Coraline

17 Again

Angels and Demons

Easy Virtue

Ponyo

Julie and Julia

(500) Days of Summer

The Wizard of Oz

Toy Story 1 and Toy Story 2 in 3D

Where the Wild Things Are

The Princess and the Frog

Invictus

Nine

Avatar

Albums:

Cory Monteith singing "Can't Fight This Feeling" in the pilot episode of Glee (Soundtrack, Vol. 1)

Only refers to albums I purchased in the 2009, regardless of what year they were released.

Road Show: So, Bounce didn't quite work. I don't think Road Show is the show Sondheim set out to write either but it's a heckuva lot better than Bounce. It's actually quite, quite riveting (on CD at least). Emotionally, psychologically, aesthetically...this is one of the best cast albums I've gotten in a long, long time.

Allegro: Wow! Where has this score been all my life? Apparently waiting for this dream cast treatment: Audra McDonald, Patrick Wilson, Laura Benanti...The cast is great and the way this show would influence future writers (including Sondheim, who makes a cameo on the recording) is apparent and fascinating.

Glee, Volume 1: When I first heard about Glee, I completely dismissed it as silly and derivative. But, I've gotta confess: I'm obsessed with it. And the music feeds the obsession.

Glee, Volume 2: The only unfortunate thing about the two volumes released thus far is the large amount of music music from them. I've bought 13 additional Glee songs off of iTunes thus far! What is this?! But they're all good. Highly energetic, incredibly positive...I never in my wildest dreams thought I would cave to something so commercial, but I have and I have in a big, big way.

Room for Squares: Finally, after years of listening to Callie worship him and Kiel ridicule him, I picked up a John Mayer album. Man, this is good stuff.

What I listened to:

Marguerite (original cast recording)

The Essential Disney Love Song Collection

Romancing the 60’s (Frankie Valli)

Allegro (Complete Studio Cast Recording)

Praise to the Man (Mormon Tabernacle Choir)

Room for Circles (John Mayer)

BYU Men’s Chorus Archival Album 2008-2009 (BYU Men's Chorus)

Road Show (Original Off-Broadway Recording)

Wondrous Love (BYU Men's Chorus)

Messiah (John Rutter)

Essential LDS Christmas (Various Artists)

Ring Christmas Bells! (Mormon Tabernacle Choir and Brian Stokes Mitchell)

Glee Volume 1 (Soundtrack)

Glee Volume 2 (Soundtrack)

Books:

(Neal A. Maxwell)

My word, this was a great year for books. Even most of the books I read for school were simply wonderful. For these purposes though, I'll only list books read for personal pleasure. Man, what a great year for books.

The Collected Works of Neal A. Maxwell: I shouldn't count this as one book since it contains approximately two dozen books (spread over six volumes), but finishing it was an accomplishment that took over three years and an experience I will not soon forget. This set is running for over 1,000 dollars on Amazon. My parents got it for hundreds upon hundreds upon hundreds less from Deseret Book before they stopped selling it. I consider myself incredibly lucky.

Something Wicked This Way Comes: This may be a perfect book. Engaging, thought-provoking, forging its way to the future, while living with nostalgia on its shoulder...Ray Bradbury's amazing. This should be on the shelf of every twelve-year-old boy in the world, you know what I'm saying? I can't remember if the Disney film is any good but take my word: The book is simply amazing.

An Experiment in Criticism: This book by CS Lewis should be required reading by anyone who will ever read a book, watch a movie or play, listen to a piece of music, or look at a photo or painting. It'll change everything for you. This is hardly Lewis's most popular books but it's definitely one of his most important.

On the Road to Heaven: Warning - the first eighty pages or so are really, really slow and may prove to be fairly shocking for some readers (as a matter of fact, this LDS novel may play better to non-LDS readers.) But, once you get past those first eighty pages, what you read is the most earth-shatteringly accurate description of the LDS missionary experience I've ever come across. I couldn't sleep at night because of the feelings and memories it managed to reawaken in me.

Flow: After hearing Sister Hall reference this book for years, I finally looked it up and read it. Its thesis is, perhaps, beaten over the head of the read a little too regularly, and its feelings towards religion are sometimes a little too reactionary. But, its overriding thesis, however heavily-handedly it may be placed on the reader, is a true one: Happiness requires, not rest, but work.

What I read:

An Experiment in Criticism

Son of a Witch

Songs of Innocence/Songs of Experience

On the Road to Heaven

Something Wicked This Way Comes

The Little Prince

The Complete Peanuts: 1959-1960

But for a Small Moment

Still Life With Iris

Meek and Lowly

Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

Flow

Through the Looking Glass and What Alice Found There

Men and Women of Christ

The Alchemist

That Ye May Believe

Moving in His Majesty and Power

Bound on Earth

The Adventures of Thomas Sawyer

History the Church, vol. 1

Watership Down

The Complete Peanuts: 1961-1962

My Life in VA

2010-01-17T18:29:00.000-08:00

Travelling's the fun,
Flashing by the countryside.
Merrily we roll along, roll along,
Catching at dreams.
Yesterday is done.
See the pretty countryside...
(From Merrily We Roll Along by George Furth and Stephen Sondheim)

So, I've lived in Virginia for 16 days now, give or take. Here's a rundown on my life since I moved here:
1.) I work at Signature Theatre, the 2009 Tony Award winner for Regional Theatre.
2.) I do a lot of administrative stuff: Make copies, count money, file checks and resume/headshots, and make poster-runs. It's all actually educational and it's all work that needs to be done, so I don't really mind.
3.) I also assistant direct Signature in the Schools, a high-school outreach program and recently co-taught an acting workshop for business executives in the area. I sit in on lots of cool meetings and everyone is really nice to me.
3.) So far, I've seen two pieces of theatre: Mulan at Imagination Stage and Show Boat at Signature.
4.) I've been to the Folgers Library and Hirshhorn Museum at the Smithsonian.

That's all for now, folks.

The Requisite Gratitude-Thanksgiving Column

2009-11-26T22:05:00.001-08:00

So I say
Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing
Thanks for all the joy they're bringing
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty
What would life be?
Without a song or a dance what are we?
So I say thank you for the music
For giving it to me
("Thank You For the Music" by Benny Andersson and Bjorn Ulvaeus.)

On this day of Thanksgiving, I am particularly grateful for:

1.) My students. I love them a lot.
2.) The joy it's been to do a fun show! The first comedy I've done in six years!!!
3.) The staff at Rainbow. They'll always be mentors and family, but they've become friends too.
4.) Glee.
5.) The art of conversation.
6.) The children's media class I took earlier this year which has given me a lifetime's worth of movies to watch, books to read, and things to ponder.
7.) My time at BYU.
8.) My impending internship at Signature.
9.) The chance that I've had to teach in Church this year. It's given me the greatest highs and lows I've experienced all year.
10.) All the people I've met or gotten to know better through working on performances in the last year; students, actors in shows I've directed, Men's Chorus members, fellow actors in the current show I'm working on.
11.) A family that continues to give it up all for me to receive it all.
12.) The neverending opportunities presented to me to learn new things. I'm learning how to play the accordion right now for a show, for crying out loud!
13.) Phone calls from long lost friends.
14.) Phone calls from friends that weren't ever lost.
15.) Teachers who have insisted that I become the best and get the best opportunities.
16.) The insane amount of time I've had this year to pleasure read. A pleasure I haven't enjoyed in a very, very long time.
17.) Village Square movie theatres. If they don't carry it, I probably didn't want to see it anyway.
18.) My institute class. There's usually only six of us there but I value what's said by each of them.
19.) Finishing the complete Neal A. Maxwell collection. My way of thinking, of speaking even, is forever changed.
20.) Having people in Vegas who make me feel like a celebrity.
21.) When friends visit from out-of-town.
22.) Finally finding a place to live come January.
23.) The friendship I've formed with many of my students. Means the world to me.
24.) The music and lyrics of Stephen Sondheim. Just when I think I've figured him out completely, I find something else that blows my mind away.
25.) Laughter. People who surprise me enough to go a genuine-hearty laugh and not just a snicker are pretty awesome people.
26.) People who know how to jump in and make lemonade out of the lemons that weren't dealt to you but thrown at your face.
27.) "I miss you" messages on Facebook.
28.) How much "Joseph" has built my confidence in the dance department.
29.) Days when doing your research actually pays off.
30.) That moment when months of "Why this? Why me? Why now?" questions are finally all answered in an instant.
31.) An ever-increasing understanding of what it means to have Someone out there who's perfect but loves you and understands you anyways.
32.) The huge success of this. No, really. Watch it again.

I Can't Believe I'm Going to Post This Story on the Internet

2009-09-20T21:23:00.000-07:00

Third in a five part series recounting significant experiences during David's time at BYU. For the earlier installments, please see parts one and two.

Give us a kiss.
(From Road Show by Stephen Sondheim and John Weidman)

So, my sophomore year of college, I was in a student-directed production of "The Rivers and Ravines." It was more or less the worst acting I've ever done. It took me a good while to get back into the swing of acting and what not post-mission. But that's not the point of this story.

At the climax of the show, a girl kills herself (sorry, that was a spoiler. Too late.) In the production, it was a pretty theatrical moment, where she fell backwards off the podium and kind of disappeared/floated into the wings. This required a couple of us males to be backstage and catch her. You know how it works. I catch this side of her legs, he catches this side of her legs, two people for her back, etc. Anyways, Jacob (not Jacob Call, the other Jacob) and I were in charge of her legs if I remember. One time rehearsing it, we went out to catch her too quickly, moved forward and in to each other too far and too fast. So what happened?

Our faces hit right into each other. And we accidentally kissed each other. Right there, in rehearsal, in D341. Our lips went right up against each other. Yup. Pretty much the most embarrassing moment of my life. It was obviously a really, really quick thing, an accidental peck. But Jacob teased a lot about it and so did the rest of the cast. I was told that I was quite bright red immediately following the event. For months after, anytime Jacob would see me on campus, he'd make sure he'd get the attention of everyone within ear shot's attention, point to me and declare, "Hey, I've kissed him."

Finally, after months of embarrassment all over campus, I saw HIM on campus and said to whoever was with me, "Hey, Jacob there is the first person I kissed after I got home from my mission." And then the harassment stopped.

And that, my friends, is why I'm so screwed up in the head.

At a Glance: The Alchemist

2009-09-18T11:36:00.000-07:00

Rivers belong where they can ramble
Eagles belong where they can fly
I've got to be where my spirit can run free
Gotta find my corner of the sky.
(From Pippin by Stephen Schwartz)

Warning: If you haven't read Paulo Coelho's "The Alchemist", don't read past this first part. Spoilers will follow.

Several Christmases ago, Laura gave me this book and I finally read it these last two weeks. Realistically, it's a book that could be read in a day or two but I can't devote all of that time to reading a book that quickly. Anyways, I'm not going to focus too much on my "rating" of the book. To put it simply, I think the book is enjoyable, part-fable, part-parable, too didactic and obvious really to be an allegory. For better or worse, the moral is stated outright in the very beginning, which frustrated me initially, but ultimately gave a good frame for the book. I got a little tired of the wisdom of sages and prophets (note: I believe in prophets but don't know if they make for a good narrative device.) If you've got some time for a short, it's worth it. There are a lot of beautiful moments within the Picaresque structure and its biblical references are nice (though Mormons'll probably react with the same shock I did when Melchizedek and the Urim and Thummim show up.) It's a good reminder that we each have a purpose in this life and that everything we do is either leading us to it or from it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The book opens with a variation on the Narcissus legend. In this version, Narcissus still drowns in the lake where he admires himself, but this time the lake weeps, not for Narcissus' fate, but for her own:

I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus was beautiful. I weep because, each time he knelt beside my banks, I could see, in the depths of his eyes, my own beauty reflected.

This places the idea of finding and pursuing one's "Personal Legend" in an interesting context. Let's examine the idea of pursuing your own purpose in the context of the traditional Narcissus legend. This is something that I feel we focus on a lot in our society. It's Machiavellian in its own way. Pursue what you want for you and you alone. You're the only one that can make you happy. You are beautiful and inspirational and you can conquer anything. Is there anything wrong with that philosophy?

Well, maybe not. But, I think all the self-esteem assemblies in elementary school have backfired on us. Now, we have a society who has mistaken the journey for the destination, who have taken the "joy in the journey" principle and turned it into a ruthless adventure to take whatever we can get on our road to death. It's lead to that blasted sense of entitlement that our generation is killing itself with.

But, what if we follow the ideology of this neo-Narcissus legend. What if our own beauty, if our purposes, are found within each other? This is perhaps the most beautiful idea the book espouses. At times, it's easy to think that Santiago, in his efforts to fulfill his dream of seeing the Pyramids, is acting selfishly to the embarrassmenth degree. But, a closer examination shows that the story isn't about an individual, it's about the ways the world depends on itself. This boy could not have made it to the Pyramids without the advice of Melchizedek, the training of the Alchemist, the fate of the Englishman, the time with the crystal maker. And ultimately, each of them were enriched by his presence. This idea is given further evidence in the concluding pages as the alchemist tells the story of a Roman who became dependent on Christ's healing.

The alchemist said, "No matter what he does, every person on earth plays a central role in the history of the world. And normally he doesn't know it."

If we are going to make "the journey the destination," if we are going to live a "joy in the journey" existence, that's the way to do it. I'm a little weary of the "Bucket List" mentality. They seem so aimless and nihilistic. Yes, there are things we should accomplish in this life. But, really, does skydiving have to be one of them? Of course not. Unless, skydiving is part of the greater objective, unless it becomes part of the goal to interact with other human beings and to learn about the world and yourself in the process. Hit the points you need to hit to reach your super-objective. But you can't go it alone. Move forward and let others see their beauty in you in the process.

Remember When I Wasn't The Most Boring Person You Knew?

2009-08-30T22:05:00.000-07:00

Second part in a five part series recounting significant experiences during David's time at BYU. To see part one, click here.

What's the time? Well it's gotta be close to midnight My body's talking to me It says, 'Time for danger'
(From RENT by Jonathan Larson)

My freshman year was filled with lots of great experiences. First year away from home, meeting all kinds of great friends. A few of them I'm still close with. Seeing the best collegiate choirs in the country in person (I wasn't a part of Men's Chorus yet) was a dream come true. Taking classes from teachers who actually cared about the success of their students was something I had rarely experienced. Now, I was somewhere where I felt every teacher actually cared (which is something I generally felt during all four of my years at BYU.) I had fun at dances, laughed like a mad man during my adjustments to Utah culture, had experiences too sacred to share, had my first class from Dean Duncan...It was a year not without its problems (particularly in the roommate department) but a good year.

But something I experienced during that year that managed to disappear in the later years at BYU was spontaneity. I became more and more rigid during college while those around me seemed to maintain some level of spontaneity. Tis a pity.

The very first day of student orientation a group of us used our newly bought UTA Bus Passes to head towards some place called Spanish Fork. We didn't make it all the way. Once we realized how far it was we realized we were being stupid and headed back.

There were nights on DT field eating Triscuits. Just jumping on a bus and catching a movie, by myself, because I wanted to. Exploring new realms around campus with friends to be delighted by how...Utah they were (some of my arrogance regarding Utah eventually disappeared.) Discussions in the MoA about deeper meanings (not to mention saving up money to feel like kings eating at the MoA!) Sitting on the floor and watching movies on laptops propped up on beds. Rolling down that hill by the 1st floor windows of the HBLL, only to be harrassed by the police. Asking the magic air vent questions about our futures. Having friends live on every inch of space available in my tiny dorm room. Secret conversations - wow, remember when those were still part of life? It seems my personality has been replaced by conversations about ethics and the arts. I've lost the skill to talk about me somewhere in the last few years. But I can talk about theatre!

This idea of spontaneity was probably best shown by the trip to Heber. A group of us, we all just got up and drove to Heber one night. For those of you who don't know, Heber's a-not-so-close-not-so-happenin' town about 35 miles outside of Provo. There's not much there besides a couple of fast food joints and a train station. But we did our research and found that there was a movie theatre with one screen playing "Home on the Range" (which, in case you missed, is just as bad as everyone said it is.) I can't remember the reasoning but we were late. We sat and enjoyed ourselves immensely. Not because the movie was good (again, it wasn't) but because we were in Heber together. We had gotten up and left a town with more than one major movieplex to a town with one screen to watch a third-rate animated film. Because we could. I don't have a ton of detailed memories of that night. Just a lot of images. But when I think back to fun times during freshman year, it's one of the main events that comes to mind (that and watching BYU police practice police brutality against people at a dance who were dancing too closely.)

Those of you who knew me pre-BYU knew that kind of thing was part of my daily life. Be it creating a choir student of the week board just so I could post pictures of myself on the wall or playing the kissing game with Emily Powell, spontaneity was a common thing. I guess there were moments like it later on, just a few months ago I made a similar trip to Heber...But somewhere along the line, school and career became everything. I passed up several spontaneous invitations from friends and roommates so I could sit at home and read about structuralism. Planning and scheduling have become monsters that rule my every move. And don't give me garbage about growing up. I won't hear it.

Some people will tell you the best way to learn about theatre is to watch the best shows or read the best plays and articles. Lies. The best way to learn how to make good theatre is to have a life. And I passed up on too many educational opportunities I think.

Still - when it was good it was fantastic. Trip to Heber, anyone?

Camp

2009-08-23T20:47:00.000-07:00

With a voice of singing
Declare ye this and let it be heard
Alleluia
Declare ye this and let it be heard
Alleluia...
O sing praises to the honor of His name
Make His praise to be glorious...

Do you wanna know the real reason I went to BYU? It wasn't cause of my scholarship, it wasn't cause I couldn't afford the other schools that accepted me, it wasn't cause the theatre department was making offers I just couldn't refuse. But there was a reason. You're not going to believe me when I say it, so hang with me here and let me explain:

Tunnel singing.

Yup, tunnel singing is the reason I chose to come to BYU. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this BYU tradition, let me explain: Every Sunday night at 10:00 PM in a tunnel near the Marriott Center (think BYU equivalent of the Thomas and Mack) a very large group of BYU students, many of them freshmen, gather with hymnbooks and flashlights. And there, for an hour, everyone sings hymns. Mission calls are announced and cheers are made. It's all a cappella (with the assistance of pitch pipes.)

How'd you discover this before you GOT to BYU?

Great question. In 1999, I had my first stay at BYU. I was there for EFY, Especially for Youth, a popular and exhausting Church-oriented-youth-weeklong-extravaganza. I loved it there. I met lots of really cool people (and a few not so cool), had spiritual experiences that I'll remember for the rest of my life and there, slowly began to piece together an identity for myself. But, when it was time to sign up for the next year's camp, it didn't feel right. Time for EFY was over. So, I tried what I like to call "a mistake." What it's actually called is "Young Ambassadors Singing Entertainers" camp or some hogwash like that. Those of you who know me well can only imagine who well I handled hundreds of 15-year-old YA wannabes (for those of you who don't know, read: terribly.) That was a mistake I would never make again.

So, it's 2001 now. I choose the camp that would ultimately change my life: Young Musicians' Summerfest. This camp changed everything for me. My experiences with the school of music saved me in ways that could never be described. I made friends (Sam, Riley, Elizabeth, Sky) that I still keep in at least relative contact with today (Riley's still a good friend.) But it was that first night that changed everything.

Summerfest began on Sunday evenings and ended on Saturday afternoons. That Sunday night, after the opening fireside and devotional, our counselor took me and a few others to the tunnel to experience tunnel singing. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. What I was feeling. Here were dozens upon dozens of people outside singing church hymns the way they should be sung. Nobody was sitting there just staring at the page. Nobody was singing half-heartedly. Good singer or bad, it didn't matter. Everyone sang and cheered and laughed at the top of their lungs. It felt like home. And for the most part, people didn't know each other. It didn't matter that we were 16-year-olds. We were taken in with the rest of them and were having a good time with complete strangers.

There was a unique spirit there. "Fellowship of the saints" or something like that, isn't that what Paul calls it? It was there. In public, unashamed of their beliefs or the way that were practicing it. It sealed the deal. I would apply to other schools and seriously consider them but in the back of my mind was this symbol of a culture I greatly admired.

When I got to BYU I went tunnel singing fairly regularly at first. It was great fun. We laughed at the bad singing (really, you expected me to turn of the critic in me) and cheered and sang and laughed. It was wonderful. But eventually, Eden disappeared. Tunnel singing started involving hurt feelings, awkward situations, and the magic started to fade. Eventually the person causing those feelings faded as well but by then I lived south of campus and it was just too far to walk at that late of night. There were always intentions to go again and if I'm in Provo on a Sunday, I would simply die to go again.

It's easy to mock the tradition and label it as a silly freshman activity. But it shows an appreciation for the hymns of the Church and it shows that there are people who genuinely want spiritually-based interactions outside of the formal setting. Later on, I discovered Sunday home evenings, which were similarly amazing and necessary, but tunnel singing never came back for me.

Anyways, that's how I chose my university. Some look to awards, scholarships, or statistics. I looked for a group of people singing badly with flashlights.

Welcome "Home"

2009-08-12T19:23:00.000-07:00

And you think of all of the things you've seen

And you wish that you could live in between

And you're back again - only different than before...

(From Into the Woods by Stephen Sondheim and James Lapine)

After eating a mediocre continental breakfast at the hotel (accompanied by mediocre journalism courtesy of FoxNews), we hit the road. The speakers worked better today, allowing me to enjoy two mix c.d.'s and the Jersey Boys cast album.

Not long after we got to Provo and established ourselves at my grandparents' house, I headed up to campus to get my graduation gear (request: someone to tell me the history and significance of these silly robes) and take care of a wide variety of errands around campus. Once, I finished up, I wandered the galleries of the MoA (the ones that were actually open).

Many may not know it, but while the HFAC may be home, the MoA is my sanctuary. I have made monthly visits through the museum there for all of my four years at BYU. I could tell you what changes have been made in the permanent exhibitions in the last year, could tell you my personal favorites in each room...It's a place I hold close to my heart.

There were moments of wandering around campus that were sad in a, "My time at BYU is over kind of way" but the greater sadnesses came from "This isn't my school, I don't belong here now" feelings.

My time in Provo isn't finished. I have a strong feeling I'm gonna end up working here again someday. But I felt...strange...self-aware. More so than usual.

Road Show

2009-08-11T21:45:00.000-07:00

This longing to be there
Is calling me there
It's stronger than words can tell
And once in home sweetness
I taste the love of heav'n.
(Going Home by Kenneth Cope.)

Started the trek to Provo today and all I can say is "Thank heaven." I'm homesick for the bubble, believe it or not. We got a rather late start. We didn't leave town until around 2:00. We took the van, which is a vehicle I pray will be stolen someday in my daily prayers. This time, the speakers in the midsection of the van weren't working which means I was able to hear about five notes of every song that came through the stereo. And I'm anti-headphones so that wasn't an option. Still, pondering time is good and what notes I was able to hear were all good.

We stopped in Cedar for the night to catch a show at Utah Shakes. This time we saw Foxfire, a 1980's Jessica Tandy vehicle. First off, the set was fantastic, one of my favorites in the last couple of years. Secondly, the show was quite good. Not perfect - the sound design was meh and there were a couple of whackado transitions. But, it was very, very moving. I would highly recommend it if you get a chance to see it.

The show centers around leaving an old home behind out of necessity, of choosing family over place. This deserting-of-home theme, it occurred to me tonight, is a common one in modern drama. Cherry Orchard, Follies, Fiddler on the Roof, and countless others are about leaving home. It also occurred to me that this leaving-the-home-pilgrimage theme seems to be a 20th century dilemma. Before the last century, people (with a few major exceptions) stayed where they were, they didn't move from job to job to job, from city to country and back. It's a new dilemma. I think it's opened doors for us to learn tons about the world around us but it's probably damaged opportunities for us to learn about ourselves. I don't know. Are there plays or books (besides the obvious pilgrim and pioneer stuff) before the 20th century about this kind of thing? If so, let me know.

Tomorrow, we hit the road for the remaining three hours to Provo!

"I'm on my way."

I Need a Little Christmas. Or a Little Meaning. Whatever.

2009-06-21T22:44:00.000-07:00

"When's it gonna be Blooms' day?"
(Act One - Scene 4, The Producers, by Mel Brooks and Tom Meehan)

So, has this happened to anybody else? Have holidays somehow, somewhere kind of lost their meaning for anyone besides my family? Father's Day is nearly over and it's just not what it used to be. Even my dad, when we were lamenting our failure to really do much for the holiday said, shrugged it off saying it was a holiday invented by Hallmark. Come now, is this what we've come to?

Days need to mean something. Life needs to mean something. And the great thing about holidays that are properly observed is that they can remind us of meaning, they can revitalize us. The problem with every holiday becoming nothing but a three-day weekend is that they all lose their original meaning. I remember on my mission while studying the Old Testament being impressed by the celebrations and holidays set aside by the Lord. And they all were essentially established by Him for the same purpose: to help them (them usually being the Israelites) remember some event in their (or their progenitors') lives or to remember to be grateful for this or that. Holidays meant something.

And generally, growing up, they did in my household as well. The Christmas season was something magnificent, Easter consisted of spirit-filled meetings and letters, heck, I even remember us doing some dutch-oven in the backyard one Pioneer Day. Halloween, for all its secularness was at the least an excuse to just have lots of fun. But none of it really means anything anymore. Christmas, Birthdays, and the parental holidays are all just "open the gift" and call-it-that affairs now. As Sister Hall laments often, we Mormons don't prep very well for Easter (all though on my mission, I will never forget the Good Friday fireside we held at the Historic Liberty Jail.)

So, what do I do? Is it too late to establish traditions? Is it all found in the days leading up to the holiday? Or am I just caring too much? I think not. I think even the silly holidays have their place. We need special days. If we don't take time for the special, life becomes something by Beckett and, while I do love Endgame, it's not something I crave to be living. My Sabbath days have only gained significance - they're a vital part of my life and my worship and I live from Sunday to Sunday. But we're a little lacking in the holiday department. Help me out here.

As Found on the Internet

2009-06-14T15:17:00.000-07:00

Could I leave you?
Yes.
Will I leave you?
Will I leave you?
Guess.
(From Follies by Stephen Sondheim and James Goldman.)

I hate doing posts like these but I'm in the midst of packing and leaving Provo so here's the post for the week. Cool things on the internet. Feel free to share other cool internet things with us:

1.) The Book of Jer3miah: A new on-line series produced by BYU faculty and students, The Book of Jer3miah isn't perfect but it sure is entertaining. For those of you involved with the BYU theatre program, you'll see many, many people you know and love (Elizabeth Funk, Ward, MSJ, Stephanie Breinholt, Richie, Critter, Becca Ingram)...For those of you who AREN'T, I've linked you to the first episode (each episode runs around 5 minutes long.) The entire first season is now online. A tense thriller/mystery series, there are Mormon roots deep in this, but for the most part they're subtle or simple enough that the non-Mormon viewing audience won't pick up on them or won't even need to. I'm a fan.

2.) Major Newspapers Baffled by Plurals and its sequel article, Update on Wayansgate 2000. Informative, entertaining, and mildly offensive. Typical Eric.

3.) The trailer for Nine. A fantastic score, the cast is to die for and the movie looks pretty good, if not a little too reminscent of Chicago...

4.) Time Magazine's excellent, "The Church and Gay Marriage: Are Mormons Misunderstood?"

5.) Lisa, the latest flick from BYU's "Fit for the Kingdom" series is an instant classic. Wow.

May: A Month in Review

2009-06-07T11:51:00.000-07:00

I read to live. In other people's lives.
I read about the joys, the world
Dispenses to the fortunate,
And listen for the echoes.
(From Passion by Stephen Sondheim and James Lapine)

Movies I Saw in Theatres:
1.) Angels and Demons
2.) Up

Shows I Saw:
1.) Every Day a Little Death
2.) As You Like It

Books I Read:
1.) Son of a Witch
2.) Songs of Innocence and Experience
3.) On the Road to Heaven

Other Significant Events:
1.) Attended Jenny Brunner's recital
2.) Attended Alison Hunter-Nielson's recital
3.) Began rehearsals for The Giver as a stage hand.
4.) The Giver began performances.
5.) Began my new calling as Gospel Doctrine instructor in my ward.
6.) Attended open mic night at Muse Music.

Cool Thing From the Internet:
The late and great Natasha Richardson's Tony-award winning performance as Sally Bowles in Sam Mendes's brilliant production of Cabaret. She's here singing the title song.

Coming Next Month...
A new format for these month in review things. It's time for a change.

Lead Me, Guide Me

2009-05-31T22:48:00.000-07:00

"I have to say,
I’m at sea, but far from wrecked.
I’ll have to pay
To discover who I am.
But on my way, I’ve acquired some self-respect...
I'm on my way..."
(From Bounce by Stephen Sondheim and John Weidman)

So, short post tonight. I've always been able to answer the question, "Well, then what are you planning to do?" "Oh, I'm going to BYU, oh, I'm going to be doing another season with Rainbow, with Men's Chorus, oh, then I'll be serving a mission." But now? No idea. For the first time, I have to make up long-winded answers to say, "I have no idea." And it's frightening.

A couple of years ago, I played a pastor of sorts in a play called Rivers and Ravines. In it, I delivered the following monologue:

Jesus walking on the sea usually becomes a lesson about how we should have faith in times of trouble. Well, that's not what I get from the story. I don't read anywhere in the story that any of the other disciples stepped out of the boat. Only Peter. Peter may have panicked in the moment, but he was the only one with enough faith to step out to experience walking on water with Jesus. Even for a small moment. See...I have to believe that God is calling us forth to be used in some way that we ay have been preparing for all our lives. We have to step out of the boat.
(Rivers and Ravines, Heather McDonald)

Well, I don't know what I'm stepping out into, but the steps need to be taken.

"I'm on my way."

Similarities Between "Apologies" and "Man to Man"

2009-05-24T14:10:00.000-07:00

The trouble with Contini, he's the king of mediocrities,
A second-rate director who believes that he is Socrates...
And what are his movies about?
Just beauty, truth, death, youth, love, life, anguish, angst...

(From Nine by Maury Yeston)

1.) Both were performed in the Nelke.
2.) Both had concepts that were totally informed by the fact that I only had a stack of blocks to work with.
3.) Both had locker room scenes staged in the downstage right corner.
4.) "Apologies" ended with a mother/daughter scene of catch-the-football. "Man to Man" began with a father/son scene of catch-the-baseball.
5.) In both the football scene and the baseball scene, I was afraid of people sitting close to the stage dying.
6.) Both were written by people I know.
7.) Both were conceptually based in some kind of mess.
8.) Both had sets that made people go, "Wow. That's really cool."
9.) Both had concepts that made people go, "So, was that part of the script?" which makes me happy because that means it was well-integrated.
10.) Both had dream casts that I would work with again in a heartbeat.
11.) Both got decidedly mixed audience reactions. People love em or they hated em.
12.) "Apologies" concept was based in the idea of a slow-moving car accident. "Man to Man" was based in the idea of a messy garage. Both are probably manifestations of my hatred for the driving world.
13.) Both were thematically intriguing to me because of their emphasis on what happens when we don't talk about what's going on internally.
14.) Both had some pretty great design for student-produced works ("Man to Man" had great lighting and AMAZING prop design. "Apologies" had great lighting design and J Neal designed sound.)
15.) Both were a weird blend of realistic acting and highly stylized staging that made me think during performances, "What is wrong in my head?"
16.) Both had rough-journey stories with an embarrassing amount of sentimentality pumped in at the end; both complete with some kind of physical interaction as the lights faded to a special and then out to black.

Popping the Proverbial Bubble

2009-05-11T18:04:00.000-07:00

Tell me that I've been a louse and loafer
You won't get a fight here, no ma'am
Say I'm a goldbrick, a good-off, no good
But that couldn't be all that I am

(Cut from Disney's Aladdin by Howard Ashman and Alan Menken)

This is one that I've been meaning to write on for a long while but I haven't had the opportunity or the courage.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part One: Patience and Empathy
In the beginning half of winter semester, a statement was made by my professor in Children's Media that completed a lot of thoughts I've been forming for some time. He said, essentially, that there are thousands of issues in this world to be concerned about, but the conscious human being has time for five in their lifetime. He then followed that up by saying, "We're all more ignorant than we're not."
This literally blew my mind away. But, typical of Dean, it's a statement drenched in deep and charitable ideals. Much of my kvetching and moaning and groaning in life could have been skipped over if I'd learned this ideal a long time ago. "How could you not care about keeping the arts in schools?" "Why aren't you alleviating world hunger yet?" "Why aren't you protesting [insert cause] more actively?" Well, because, unfortunately Petra, the mouths need to be fed before they're kissed. There are papers to grade, bills to pay, lessons to prepare. There are so many necessities that must be covered that by the time that we have time for "causes," our energy may be pretty far spent.
That being said, I think people genuinely do aim to help the causes they feel deserve the most attention. And that should be respected. If they don't take the time to be concerned with your causes or my causes, well, know that they're taking care of the causes that they feel will help their family and community the most.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part Two: The Utah Problem
Meredith: You seem like a pretty reasonable man. Intelligent, down to earth...

Wes: OK...

Meredith: I’ve been reading some of your books. Your scriptures. All this about angels, and prophets, Jesus talking to people. Do you really believe all that?

Wes: Yes, I do. (Beat) You’re just a little naive, that’s all.

Meredith: Excuse me?

Wes: You know, I’ve heard it all my life. Because we don’t want to experience some of the things out there, some people think we’re naive. (Beat) We have our own experiences. We get down on our knees, say our prayers, we do our best to live the way God wants us to live, and every now and again, he gives us a little experience. (Beat) I guess we’re both naive to one extent or the other. Just about different things.
(From Brigham City, written by Richard Dutcher.)

Every time Brigham City, one of my all-time favorites, reaches that sequence, I want to stand up and applaud it. And now, I ask, using Mr. Dutcher's words, to empathize with my experiences, with my own personal causes. Or at least to sympathize with them.
Those of us here in Utah are not in the unfairly labeled "Bubble" that we are sometimes accused of being in. Most of us know exactly what it is that we're missing out on and have deliberately and informedly decided to live the life we've chosen.
And what a life! A life dependent upon fasting and prayer, upon trying to be better everyday than we were the day before. A life that aims to deal with increasingly complicated situations with consistent answers. We aren't in a bubble. Every problem I ever saw in Las Vegas growing up, I've seen here. We simply have different solutions.
And our art isn't lesser than yours, non-Utah. I've addressed depression, suicide, masculinity, homosexuality, revenge, justice, contemporary relationships, economic issues, family problems, gender issues Naziism, world wars, anti-semitism, and a myriad of other controversial subjects while at BYU. But, again, balanced into those same conversations have been discussions about hope, redemption, God, making time for family, seeking help, opening up to another, of there even being a definitive right and wrong to some questions out there. I don't see the point in drowning in problems. And if we don't come to a solution at all, at least we're having the discussion, right?
My life isn't boring because I'm at BYU or because I'm in Utah. I chose to be here. We have fun. Lots of fun. My memory is filled with times where I've laughed till I'm sick. My memory is also filled with memories of friends who have taken incredible care of me, who I have had profoundly deep conversations with, and people whose observations surpass any I've heard in any other place I've lived. Most importantly: I'm happy here and I'm not alone in my happiness. Genuinely happy.
My life isn't lesser than yours and yours isn't lesser than mine.
But, again, "we're both naive to one extent or the other. Just about different things." Let's enlighten each other, eh?

April: A Month in Review

2009-05-03T13:22:00.000-07:00

Photo courtesy of Eric Torrie

Don't want to leave, but we both know
Sometimes it's better to go
Somehow I know we'll meet again
Not sure quite where, and I don't know just when
You're in my heart, so until then
Wanna smile, wanna cry
Saying goodbye
(From The Muppets Take Manhattan. Song by Jeff Moss)

Movies I Saw in Theatres:
1.) 17 Again

Shows I Saw:
1.) Macbeth
2.) Metamorphoses

CD's I Purchased:
1.) Room for Squares (John Mayer)
2.) BYU Men's Chorus Archival Album 2008-2009

Concerts I Attended:
1.) BYU Singers Bon Voyage Concert
2.) Jersey Street Band

Books I Read:
1.) An Experiment in Criticism (C.S. Lewis)

Other Significant Events:
1.) Man to Man, my senior directing project, opened and closed. It was a great success.
2.) Sang with the BYU Men's Chorus in the Unforum.
3.) Sang with the Men's Chorus, Combined Choirs and Philharmonic Orchestra in a concert shoot for PBS, The Pilgrim's Journey Home.
4.) Had my final Men's Chorus Tucanos banquet.
5.) Accompanied approximately 1 billion musical numbers.
6.) Sang "I Love the Lord" with a group for the Honors Program's graduation luncheon.
7.) Attended the "Auditions: Monologue Extravaganza" showcase
8.) Attended the 2009 BFA Senior New York Showcase
9.) Attended Alexis Wardle's Senior Recital
10.) Attended Clotile Bonner's Senior Recital
11.) Attended Preston Sadleir's Senior Recital (Confessions)

I Have Talented Friends

2009-04-26T11:48:00.001-07:00

You...
Where have you been all my life?
You...
You're the answer to my prayers.
You...
You're one in a million.
Where have you been all my life?
Don't go away!
(From Bounce by Stephen Sondheim and John Weidman)

1.) One friend of mine has already achieved pretty great success as a journalist for her young age. She's already won awards for it and stuff.
2.) One friend of mine has already done acting in several independent and straight-to-video films. This same friend is also finding success in stand-up comedy
3.) Another friend of mine has the uncanny ability to achieve whatever she sets her mind to. She's currently make great achievements in law school.
4.) This one friend of mine has had a steady job for sometime and is apparently sweeping the triathlon world. Who would've guessed?
5.) This one guy I know is a brilliant playwright and has won all kinds of awards for it.
6.) I know this girl who has the ability to connect with any human being on the planet. It's a great asset for her acting but an ever better asset for life.
7.) I have one friend who loves cooking and is surprisingly good at it.
8.) Several of my friends have children and are happily wed. I can't even take care of myself - I don't know how in the world I could take care of someone else at this point.
9.) One guy I know always makes me happy. Why? Because he is successful at sincerely finding a reason to be happy in every situation.
10.) A long-time friend of mine is more connected to pop culture than VH1, Entertainment Tonight, and Entertainment Weekly combined. It blows me away.
11.) I am envious of one friend's ability to connect ANYTHING to a gospel principle. Wow.
12.) One woman I know has faith that probably has moved mountains already. She's just too humble to mention it to anyone.
13.) I have a friend here who is entirely too intelligent for his own good. He has put thought into everything around him and has made the world a better place for taking the time to think.
14.) I am constantly uplifted by one friend's ability to find reasons to compliment on a daily basis. It makes me feel good.
15.) A guy I've known for a couple years has a laugh sent from heaven. I dare you to not smile when he laughs.
16.) We all could learn a couple of lessons from this one friend of mine in sincerity and honesty. I could never NOT trust this person.
17.) I have one friend who is the poster child of true charity. They are willing to drop anything to serve me - like when I have to go to the Orem library or get a new cellphone.
18.) There's this girl I know who is a master of music. No, really. I gave up on counting how many instruments she's proficient at.
19.) I'm grateful for one friend's ability to recognize the absurd in every situation. It's nice not to be the only one once in a while.
20.) You, my friend, remove any loneliness a human being could possess with your hugs.
21.) One friend of mine has never been afraid to put me in my place. Thanks for never being afraid of making every moment a teaching moment, even when I called you on it.
22.) This other friend of mine is an impeccable designer. She's gonna save the history of American architecture as we know it.
23.) And then, there's this one friend of mine who has empathy down better than anyone. This person would support anyone in their happiness even if they don't understand how the equations being made could ever possibly equal happiness.
24.) This person is the most humble, hardworking person I've worked at BYU.
25.) And then, I know this guy who teaches me in every conversation that laughter is the only way to survive the hardtimes.

I could go on and on and on. Actors, musicians, designers, technicians, writers, scientists, lawyers, historians, philosophers, parents, husbands, wives, psychiatrists, comedians, listeners, teachers, serviceman, missionaries, businessmen. All have proven themselves in the choices they've made to be more than capable. And you've all been more than amazing friends. That's your best talent. Keep up the good work. I'll never know what I did to deserve you.

How Can I Keep from Singing?

2009-04-19T15:57:00.000-07:00

Come and let our swelling song
Mount like the whirling wind...
Care and sorrow now be gone.
Brothers, in song, sing on!
Brothers, sing on! Sing on!

"How do you single out highlights in a bonfire?" So began the New York Times' review of The Producers and so begins what will be a difficult subject for me to address. Let me attempt to single out some of the highlights. I know this won't interest many of you but I would feel ungrateful if I didn't do this:

-The callback process was the single most positive audition experience I've ever had. Where were the cliques? Where was the hushed gossiping? It wasn't to be found. Instead, strangers embraced me, wanting to know my name, my experience. We spent our downtime laughing and becoming friends. Even if I hadn't made it in, this single experience taught me volumes.

-My first retreat was the single most happy night of my life and became something of an emblem of my time with the Men's Chorus, particularly that year. My first year in Men's Chorus was also my first year back from my mission which was also the most difficult year I've had in school. I felt generally rejected from my department, I felt completely disconnected from my ward, some of my roommates and I didn't exactly click, and worst of all, everywhere I turned I was being told to "move on" from my two-year experience as a missionary. Suddenly, I wasn't supposed to ever talk about two incredibly significant years of my life - if I ever did, I was "stuck on the mish" or "one of those guys that can't move on." Add to that, a very difficult class load (including a music theory class that almost killed me), and it was a less than happy experience. But then, I went to retreat. Only two or three weeks into the semester, I was blown away. There were 210 guys in the Men's Chorus that year and I had never seen anything like it. Nobody was competiting for attention. Rather, we worked hard, really hard, and we laughed hard. "Dippity-dippity-dip" never became my forte but I'll never forget my first rounds, the treat bags, or Ben playing stickpull with others. And the progress the choir made that night was simply a revelation. My roommates were blown away when I got home that night. "What's wrong? You're not supposed to be this happy" were the kind of comments that greeted me that evening. Yes, I was. I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

-Not entirely related, but that same semester, I attended the BYU Singers/Concert Choir concert. One of the single most spiritual experiences of my life. I remember recording an important lesson in my journal that night: Regardless of the skill, when you do your best, and you do your best for the right reasons, God's there and nobody can NOT notice.

-SHCP 2006: In past years, the choir had saved up money to buy Sister Hall things like jewelry for Christmas. This year, we began a tradition of serving others in her name instead, and I doubt anyone has left these service gifts unchanged. This first year, the choir raised hundreds of dollars (almost 1,000 if my memory serves me right) to buy Christmas gifts for some teenagers in a foster home near Salt Lake. As choir members were buying gifts for the teens, someone saw them and asked what they were doing. When they explained, this kind man offered to match the amount that they'd earned. These teens got everything they could have ever dreamed of. I will never forget the night when they wondered out to the lawn to find 200 men singing Christmas carols. Santa Claus even made an appearance to give all of them their gifts. The shock that they experienced was spiritually electrifying for all of us. And then, THEN, to sit there and watch Sister Hall as she discovered what we'd done (through a DVD containing footage of the whole project)...That was as equally rewarding. That year, the big push was to "change the world," and she couldn't believe that we'd actually gone out and done it!

-March of 2007: I doubt the Men's Chorus had ever been heard by so many people in one single month. We sang the national anthem at a packed basketball game, we recorded music for a "Choose to Give" commercial that's still played all over campus, we did two nights of concerts in the deJong and a special afternoon performance there, and we sang in General Conference that final weekend (somehow it ended up in March that year.) Add to that, the amazing weekend that we went on a four-day tour to St. George and Las Vegas...I doubt the Men's Chorus had ever been heard by so many people in one single month.

-Let me elaborate on tour. Tour was my favorite weekend ever. More than two years later, I keep waiting for something to top it and it never does. The joy of singing in every restaurant we went to (including one casino!), the afternoon of Men's Chorus Olympics (the eggtoss and the twenty-man relay will not be soon forgotten), the delight of being able to stay with relatives and to introduce wonderful relatives to wonderful friends...The chance to sing for an audience that had dozens of "old friends" in it.

But, really, what it came down to was the men I was touring with. The most loving, caring, witty, talented group of men this world has ever seen. As we sang our encore during our last major performance on the tour, I became overwhelmed. I simply didn't want it to end. Having grown up without any brothers, I didn't really know the whole "brotherhood" experience. Even mission companions hadn't really shown me what it could be. This weekend and my whole time with the Men's Chorus did. As we sang, "Who is He in Yonder Stall," yet again, I simply lost it. The gratitude was simply overwhelming.

-SHCP 2007: The next year, our gift to Sister Hall was equally touching. This year we raised money to host a dinner for cancer patients in the area at a local chapel. Sister Hall sat there in the cultural hall with her husband, eating away at a dinner she thought related to her husband's work or something. And then, the curtain opened on the stage and there stood, incredibly cramped, all 190 of us. The look on her face, the shock she was expressing, was simply forgettable (she later told us her thought was, "Have I somehow forgotten about a performance?") She only conducted our final piece, Danny conducted the rest, but again it was a great night. We performed a full concert for the patients that night. Again, simply life-altering. Later on, she would reveal to us that the night carried some poignancy since her mother had died of cancer over two decades earlier.

-General Conference: Did I mention I sang at general conference twice while in the Men's Chorus? My first time, at the priesthood session of April conference in 2007 is simply legendary. The second time, the following April in the afternoon session, is imprinted in my mind by Sister Hall getting her way and getting the conducting podium completely removed (which was no small feat) after she pulled a little stunt to prove her point.

-SHCP 2008: As you all know, Sister Hall comes to us from the land of Wales. In all her years of directing at BYU, her wonderful old father, had never been able to come out and see the miracles she works here. So, for Christmas, we decided we would bring him on out. We saved the money and flew him and his wife, Sister Hall's stepmother, out for the holidays. That day in the Marriot Center when she turned around and saw her 80-something-year-old father there, waiting to hug her, is a moment I can't dwell on for long without becoming emotional.

-The Pilgrim's Journey Home: The concerts we shot last week for PBS were grueling but will be something to behold when they're released later this year. As we sang, "Pilgrim Song," I found I couldn't contain my emotions any longer. "My brethren, I have found/ a land that doth abound/ with fruit as sweet as honey./ The more I eat I find/The more I am inclined/To shout and sing, 'Hosanna.'" To tell my brethren that I had found pure heaven became simply too much to think about, even in a song that I had song dozens of times before. My goodbye to the deJong was beautiful and laced with embarrassing amounts of sentimentality.

How do I pick a blaze from the bonfire? I haven't had time to mention the other retreats; the years on activities, yearbook (thanks for teaching me InDesign!), and task force; the countless devotionals; the firesides at the MTC; the miracle of Justin; singing for general authority Christmas parties; the workshops with the Kings' Singers; the countless lifelasting friendships; the mission farewells; the many Sacrament meeting musical numbers it's led to; the incredible lessons taught to us by Paul; the sublime hoopla; Tucanos; Tictacs and glass bottles; and the laughter. What I will always remember most is the laughter.

There has only been one organization that comes even close to satisfying me the way the Men's Chorus has and that's The Rainbow Company. But as much as I love them and while I'll always call them home, Men's Chorus has provided me with something much greater. People keep telling me that there are other choirs out there. And it's also true that virtually every choir in the world sings some religious music. But how many choirs out there consist completely of members who believe in the music they're singing? Who cherish each sacred text? That is so much of the power behind the choirs at BYU. And I don't know if I'll ever find that satisfaction again.

I have met countless good people in the world and an innumerable amount of good people at BYU. But, I don't know if I ever knew people as good as those in the Men's Chorus, not only existed, but could exist in such a high and concentrated quantity. Thank you to each of you for living by "Esse quam videri." I will not soon forget it. "Brothers, sing on!"

January: A Month in Review

2009-02-01T15:47:00.000-08:00

Back in business and ain't it grand?
Let the good times roll.
Yesterday things were out of hand
Now they're under control.
Bye-bye, blues! So long, adversity!
Happiness, hello!
Keep the status quo permanently so.
Back again like a boomerang
Same old stand
Same old gang
Back in business with a bang!
Let the good times roll.
(From Dick Tracy by Stephen Sondheim.)

Movies I Saw (in theatres):
1.) Seven Pounds
2.) Baby Boomerang
3.) Demographic Winter: Decline of the Human Family
4.) Diantha's Corssing
5.) Once Upon a Summer
6.) The Long Look on Life

Shows I Saw:
1.) Thoroughly Modern Millie
2.) Rabbit Hole
3.) Rootie

Other Significant Events:
1.) Saw the Experimental Theatre Company's 24 Hour Theatre Festival
2.) Attended the LDS Film Festival (see movies 2-6. More on the festival to come soon.)
3.) Sang the national anthem with the BYU Men's Chorus at a basketball game between BYU and San Diego.
4.) Sang with the Men's Chorus and combined choirs in the annual Winter Choirfest at the Provo Tabernacle.

Shine

2009-01-18T12:39:00.000-08:00

This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine,
Let it shine,
Let it shine.
(Traditional spiritual)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Is it not part of our work as sons and daughters of God to encourage creative efforts that dispel darkness and replace it with light? How powerful a force for good would be a renaissance in literature, art, technology, and science that adds light rather than takes it away! Such a renaissance is possible. There are among us artists and artisans who need only to receive a little more support and encouragement from men and women of conscience to produce works that could rival those that half a millennium ago marked the end of Europe's Dark Age and the rise of a wonderful new cultural and spiritual Renaissance.

As we fill the earth with art (and media) that is good and uplifting - as we fill the earth with light and knowledge - our children will see the darkness for what it is. They will see that it is counterfeit, that it brings only sorrow, pain, and emptiness. They will come to prefer light and be attracted to that which is good and true."
- Jeffrey R. Holland, in an address given at the Fourth Annual Guardian of the Light Dinner, May 3, 2006. (Emphasis Added)

I wasn't going to do something so directly related with Mormonism so soon after last week's column, but I write what I'm thinking about and this seemed appropriate.

I had a missionary companion who once made the profound statement that one of Satan's most effective workings was in shoving so much garbage media in the faces of mankind that people would no longer assume there to be any good to be found. We are so accustomed to our media being trite or offensive that we begin to believe that "good media" is nonexistent. And so when we're confronted with what is truly good, we can't recognize it anymore.

I am here to tell you that that needs to change. And regardless of whether you are an active participant or an active audience member in the arts realm, we need your help. For starters, look at Elder Holland's emphasis on the effects positive media can have on children. If they are introduced to good in all things from the beginning, they will be able to recognize the counterfeits when confronted with them later on in life (see Moses 1 for further detail.)

Secondly, those of you who read this who have ANY artistic talent, what are you doing to spread the light you've experienced in your life? Are you sharing your talents in sacrament meetings, in talent shows? Community theatre? Community art fairs? Most of us won't ever work in Hollywood or on Broadway. But if we do our best to spread light in our own communities, it will only spread and won't be hideable. (See Matthew 5:14). While discussing the role of the arts in the Church will be discussed further later on, I will say also, that the pieces we need to choose, obviously should be those of the utmost quality and those filled with the greatest abundance of light.

Thirdly, what are we doing to prepare ourselves for sharing light? Elder Maxwell said at numerous times that as the days progressed towards the Second Coming it would be essential that the Saints become more and more articulate about their beliefs and experiences. This acknowledges the need for mastering our crafts. If you play an instrument, become the very best you can be at it. If you dance, learn the technique along with mastering the craft of it. And for those who will share their testimony through speaking one-on-one, learn the hearts of the people you communicate with. And learn the doctrines inside and out. Learn the significance of your spiritual experiences.

I could go on and on about the preparation needed to share the light we've felt. Worthiness is an issue I don't even have time to approach here. I haven't had time to discuss the desperate need to support that which we feel shares light most effectively, so that more attempts can proceed. Whatever experience with light you've had and want to share, be it the message of the Restoration or the message of a grand author, prepare to tell it the best that you can and tell it to everyone you can.

(For more on Mormon arts, please see Finding the LDS Aesthetic.
For more on light in media, please see Light, Truth, Spirit, and Cinema Part One: The Power of Film.)